I asked God who I was supposed to be.

BIGFLUFFYBLANKETYAY<33

I'm so tired.

My dad has been complaining about his job a lot lately.
His boss is pretty much a nasty jerk, and he really wants to do something else.
I know him, and he wouldn't complain about anything unless it was something that was really driving him crazy. He isn't getting a lot of sleep and he just hasn't been himself at all. Hes getting agitated easily AND THAT NEVER HAPPENS. SERIOUSLY. Now, all of the sudden he wants to take me out of Art Club and Vocal Arts because he doesn't like getting home late. And I would seriously rather just home school if he did. Getting up at 5 every day and sitting though class isn't worth it to me.
I could do so much more without all that.
I could still see my friends and I would have time to learn to play piano and the guitar, hang out at church, ride my horses, paint, get a job = mini cooper!..maybe I could even get some sleep every once in a while. ;P

~I'm trying to make the best of it
<3

I want to fold the world in my arms tonight.

Evening.
It's my favorite time.
Shadows stretch out along the grass
The sun burns brighter as it kisses the sky goodbye
Long wispy fingers touching
in it's last embrace until tomorrow.

It's a pretty sight c;


I don't know why it came to mind now, but I've always wanted a sister.
The type that brushes your hair and gives you hugs;
that you can stay up all night and talk about everything to.
It would be nice.
I like to image that's what Kayla would have been like,
but she died.
A miscarriage, actually.
They aren't even sure if she was a girl,
but my parents always thought so.
The thing is though, I wouldn't be here if she had lived.
But it reminds me that I'm here for a reason.
-Because she didn't die for nothing.
That I am sure of.

It helps to know I'll meet her one day<3

It doesn't have a name yet...

But what do you think?
It's for English. c;

Remember that girl, so long ago?
With petal tears, and a radiant glow?
So sweet, behind in her years.
Icey veils covered her face, her eyes,
and even her ears.
Like spider webs, they did appear.
Muffled her voice.
Making her oh, so very hard to hear.
But you saw her light, her soul, her might.
You saw her will to take flight.
And with a gentle hand, you led her to stand
On her own two feet.
Leading.
As a butterfly.

I'd like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly.

I hate it when people spit on the sidewalk,
the sight fills me with disgust. D:

I feel kind of nauseous right now. I don't know why, I seem to get sick on a lot on Sundays.
It might of been the Juicy Juice though.
The sweetness makes me gag, but I was seriously craving some fruit. O.o

I don't like this year much. It scares and disappoints me all at once.
And I am afraid of it all.
But at the same time I feel like I can handle it.
Because secretly, it's all beginning to make sense.
The highs and the lows.

My parents don't seen to get the fact that I know what I'm doing. It's like they keep trying to convince me that I'm going to mess up my life and it will be ruined for ever and ever and ever and ever *echo*
But I know.
I'm not going to drink
I'm not going to do drugs
I'm not going to do anything of the sort. Ever.
No cussing either, which they seem to think I will do inevitably because they think half of the people I hang out do. -Thanks to their new interest in my cell phone's inbox.

It's all soo peachy. _P_

I was actually been thinking about going back to home school. I don't know why, but the thought occurred to me last week and hasn't left. I wish we could move or something -closer to school, I mean. Everything would be so much easier.
My dad keeps talking about how he doesn't like his job and I can see how much it takes it's toll on him. He almost fell asleep while driving the other day.
Both of my parents keep talking about how the renters haven't paid and how much they worry for our family. IF this and IF that. It scares me very much actually, but I never tell them. I have to get rid of my horses because we could loose our Ag. exemption on the land that they graze on. Because it would be an extra $10,000 in taxes if we did.

And I know I keep saying this,
but I really want to go back when I was little,
and everything stayed together so perfectly.
Effortlessly.
All the edges matched up quite nicely then. Quite nicely indeed.

This post is very blocky and it's annoying me -.-

In more cheerful news// I'm joining color guard.
Most of you know this, but I just feel like saying it again :D
I used to have a little baton and taught myself to twirl pretty well.
It broke though xP
So, this should be fun.

I'm trying to convince Tanner to join chorus next year. It's wrong for me to, but I really hate it that he doesn't enjoy music like my dad and I do. He said he wanted to join drama club, but doesn't want to sing and/or do any dancing. :/

He does, however, have an interest in football..

Go Greek!

My brother threw a crazy temper tantrum today O.o
I don't even know how it started, but he punched me in the stomach really hard for a 9 year old. D"

I'M ALLOWED TO GO TO DRAMA CLUB
as long as Rachel can take me to Bridgeport afterwards. ;D
Oh, and I met my dad's boss over there the other day and she wants me to sing O.o *stage-fright* e-gad!
She also wanted musicians and small groups to come and sing or play, if anyone from school is interested..I don't think there is any $$ involved, but she stressed that it would be "Great credentials for college". xP

For our English poem I wrote about a candy shop x) I was thinking I could make a giant tree/candy thing with bubble gum all over it. I'm not really sure how everything is going to work together yet. I really don't want to work on it in class though. It seems like a Saturday morning type of thing that I should be doing while wearing pajamas and eating Cap n' Crunch. xP

School was fun.
It was probably because I got 7 hours of sleep<333
I could do with more though.
Any less and I'm dead _P_

Off to finish homework
~'night peoples ;3

Debates Tomorrow! ;D

The sky is so deep.

Déjà vu.
That's what this is.
This feeling surrounding,
seeping within.

Prying between my ribs,
fogging my head.
this little feeling
In the back of my head

It winds it's way,
snugging up close.
Finding it's way
to let something loose.

I need to go to bed, but I'm procrastinating..like usual.

I'm really bad at making lunch for myself. Seriously, like last Wednesday, I ATE A CAN OF PEAS. D:
Then I spilt half of it on myself because I'm clumsy. niice.

And guess what?
painting shoes does not work. AT ALL.
I painted an old pair of flats silver because my mom told me they looked crummy and I couldn't wear them any more, but they looked all texture-y and gross, so I painted them this crazy poppy red and I disliked them even more, so I stamped them with purple thumb-prints and now they look like just grrrroosssss.

RUUUNNN OON SENNNTENCES. Blah.

owowow. :( I wish my little brothers knew how to walk on backs..I been slouching so much.. Or maybe it was the 10,000 pounds of books we had to carry. I really can't tell.
If I was still taking dance I would probably have better posture. I can't even do a side split any more. Which is just sad because that took me forever to get that.

ok, I'm gonna stop rambling now. :L

goodnight.
i love you guys<3

What do the People Say?

Backpack side 1

The product of today.

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