Life As It Is

So I opened my e-mail account, and I know I havn't been on there in awhile, but HOLY COW! 354 MESSAGES! :O!

ok, ignore the side note.

Umm, today was really good auctually. Even though Mrs. Mosby's "State Of The Art Machinery" made me feel bad. -.-
Poetry Alive is Fun. We all die in the end and it's AWESOME!--->I'm totally going to make swords like Mr. Baumann's!

I've noticed i've been using alot of Exclamation Points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!----> they're really fun:D

Recently, I've become addicted to collecting pictures from the web :D
So I'm going to start adding one of the days findings to my blog:)

Todays:

Momentous Occasion :P

I've decided something.
I'm going to embrace every part of who I am :)
Whatever that is.
Because through all this mess i think i lost it,
and it's about time I started being myself.

BTW, Inevitable is my new favorite song. :)

Goodnight<3

LOL

Mmtired.

I played with eyeliner today :)
it was fun :D
I didn't use some outrangeous amount, but my mom look kind of scared was like "Who does their eyeliner like that?" xD

I'm very sleepy. And my parents still havn't decided if I'm allowed to go to Mona's tomorrow -.- Gahhhh...

Goodnight<3

I Love This One :)

Come take a walk with me.
another world awaits.
Through the meadows and the trees.
glancing upon each flower and leaf.

Step off the trail.
and you will see.
More wonders than ever before.
Look upon the rusted trees.
with dew drops glistening in the morning air.

Take a deep breath.
and close your eyes.
Listen.
what do you hear?
The whispering of a language long forgotten.
of love.
and of care.

Now open your eyes
to the skies around you.
As light awakens from it's slumber.
Singing it's laughing tones.
calling forth.
Summer.

Simultaneous Release

So, I was baking cookies, and somehow I managed to drop a glass bowl in...and it..kindof um, shattered "/ Ya, then I stepped on a piece and cut my foot "/...I'm so talented ;P

We're doing this WICKED SWEET garden drawing in art class and it's going to be AWESOME! I'm not really sure how I'm going to do my tree though...But I'm REALLY EXCITED because I was auctually thinking about a garden scene I wanted to draw awhile ago. :D

right now i have this crazy urge to do Biology homework.

I was going to do confessions, but i realized i hate reading over other people's , so i'm not going to.

PICTURES:










Random Comment:
i've always wanted to ice skate:)

You Can't Bring Me Down.

Today was really the best day I've had in a long time time. I stayed after school until Grease practice and the whole time we played THE CUP GAME and sang and ate GOLDFISH and added those CRYSTAL LIGHT packages to our water bottles and then Skylar gave us these really yummy MINTS :D But they had ASPARTAME :O!..xP Then Mr Riddle came and gave us STRAWBERRY MILKSHAKES! and then for like 45 minutes Mona and I stood on chairs and sang into one of those DECKED-OUT MICROPHONES with the little screen things and sang random songs :D...It was AWESOME! :D

Current Loves:

- Good days
- Dollar Rings :D
- Booth Seats
- Buy One Get One Free SALES xD
- CUP GAMES!
- My dad looks like Jack Hannah xD
- Poetry
- Awesome Dance Music---> COBRA STARSHIP
- English Class
- Speeches about the 50s that use "BY GOLLY".

I need to go study for Biology so Goodnight<3




.

This Game We Call Life.

I close my eyes,
Because I'm sick of what I see
I'm sick of being here,
But I'm trapped with uncertainty

I don't want to see the pain.
I'm tired of all the hurt.
My eyes want to bleed,
The blood staining my shirt.

How can you live with yourself?
Tell me. How?
How is it possible you can contain yourself,
With all of this happening now?

We're all just heartless monsters
In this deadly game of chess.
Will you be one of the masters?
Or one of the helpless?

Goodnight<3

We're All Apart of This Little Planet.

*deep breath* umm, ya, I can't post what I was going to.

but I do have good news :)
My daddy went to the dermatologist today and they didn't find anything "suspicious"
so no more stitches for the moment. :)

Random Comment:
What the heck do you use Lemon CURD for?

I'm Pretty Sure You Guys Are Tired of This by Now...

but i'm just going to keep flooding my blog with mediocre poetry ;D

Keep your head up
and try not to shout.
Keep your ears open
but don't let it out.

You can't let them see
the pain in your eyes
You can't let them see
all of your lies.

Keep up your guard
until the timing is right
Keep up your guard
and you'll be alright.

Goodnight<3

PS: I'll post some happy poems soon. ;)

My Green Tea.

Is not here with me
nooooo!
I'm all out :[

Today was really COOL. :D
Even though I was TERRIBLY TERRIFIED to give my speech. I was supposed to go 4th, but Claira wasn't there, so I had to go 3ed. And the whole time,I was completely FREAKING OUT. But, it auctually went really well. Even though I only got 3 hours of sleep "/. And then everyone was saying I was a really good speaker (umm?) :D so, YAY! :D SUCCESS!! (I think?)

Ya, so my horse LUKE is losing his winter coat so there are like these giant WHITE puff balls EVERYWHERE "O

My brother is being annoying -.-
" Teachers are stupid! NO ONE should be a teacher "
...whatever Tyler.

Random Comment: I love to make paper roses:)

My Poems Never Have Titles.

I'm sorry, I know I'm just being annoying by changing my blog title every 2 seconds, but I promise I won't change it again.

Here's more poetry about...STUFF.
Some kind of poetry expert is going to beat me for this D:



I'm dying to speak what's here in me
but I can't seem to open my mouth.
I want to shout to the heavens
but I'm afraid to speak out.

I want my words to flow from me
into the great beyond.
I wish I could, but my words escape me
and go a different route.

Every time I imagine what I could be,
I float off into space.
But every wish I try to work upon,
slaps me in the face.

I am here though, am I not?
Wasting time that can't be bought.
Fighting wars that shouldn't be fought.
But, what? What can I do to change that?



Goodnight<3

It's a Loblolly Pine Tree xP

Hi:)
I don't know why but right now i feel really good.
it's probably the whole getting tons of sleep makes me feel awesome thing ;D but i totally slept weird or something because it hurts really bad to turn my head to the right D:
Anywayss, I found out yesterday that my brother has Rosetta Stone FRENCH and he said I could use it :DDD WOOO. AND i'm really happy because i was going to buy it myself but it's like $200. Ya, so :D *thumbs up*. jess thought you all would like to know ;D

and my parents want to build a pool..?

Blehh, I'm sorry I keep switching from being down to being happy. I just get discouraged easily but then small things make me happy, so i'm always up and down. "/

Don't bother reading this.

My head is hurting and i can't concentrate.
But it's more dizziness than pain...
Like that time when i accidentally took too much Vicodin.
Blehh, i hate pills.
I can't even choke down vitamins.
The knowing was a good movie.
It wasn't super fantastic, but it was kinda cool.
The girl behind us screamed and everyone jumped.
I don't feel too great.
actually, i'm kind of trembling.

Current Loves:

- Eating more brownies than pizza at CiCi's
- Really comfy theatre seats
- MASTER CAKES of the OUTBREAK
- Not being alone at home on Friday nights.
- The 50s!!! because we could be CONTRACTORS!
- Random Spanish phrases
- Capitalizing for EMPHASIS

Give me the strength to try

It really doesn't bother me whenever people talk about how bad a day they've had, or complain about problems in their life. It doesn't bring me down any, not to say that don't I feel bad for them, but I actually welcome it. It makes me focus more on other people, and makes me feel more grateful for what I have instead of just thinking badly about things in my life.

Saying that,
I'm thinking about being a Psychiatrist.

Random Comment:
I like looking at random blogs.. Is that weird?

Ahhh, MY CONTACTS, I CAN'T SEE D:

PS: i only got one comment on my poem a couple days ago and it made me sad :(
but thank you grace :D

los pescados son lindos :D

no, i don't speak spanish.
but babelfish.com is awesome :D

i really really really don't want to write this speech :[

Ahhh, nooo, the shift key is broken and I have to use the other one

D:

Our eyes wander for help

I had a pretty good day today.
Mrs. Mosby's class made me sick yesterday though. She said we could sit out on it and I wish I had. I didn't think it would bother me that much, but it really did...
She needs more schooling on how to teach.

To all of those who auctually read my blog, even though it sometimes seems depressing:

HI EVERYONE :D
I LOVEE YOUUU<33
and
Thank you:)

Random Comment:
Car rides make me sleepy. 'O'


MANLY MEN come from MANLAND! xP

COMMENT ME :D

So, i decided to write some peotry...
This wasn't to anyone, but i like this style of writing.
It makes me think clearly.
please let me know what you think:)


I hide so much inside
So deep I can't understand.
Come tear me open
Show me what I am.

I can see it so clearly
Bright as day.
reaching out with fingertips
so close.

They brush the answer
but I know.
I can't reach.
I'm waiting for you.

Come take me in your arms
against your chest.
Whisper.
In my ear
I love You.

Lets Get Some Eyeliner.

HI
Today was funn. :D
I always dread mondays, but they always seem to turn out AWESOME.
Anywayys, we just got back from the store, and we bought like 32! of those Marie Calendar frozen food thingys. HOLY CADAVER :O!
and before that Tanner dumped half a box of Peanut Butter Captain Crunch on his lap xD it was GREAT.
I'm really thirsty and I don't feel like saying anythng else, because my brain is shooting SPARKS. ByByee ;P

Current Loves:
- Febreez--> it has multiple uses
- MY EYES ARE GREEN BECAUSE I EAT A LOT OF VEGETABLES
- Neon socks
- Pansies
- happy faces
- Tea:)
- NOT geometry
- pretty feet :D
- British Accents
- Irish Grandpas who go by the name of Pattycake

Senseless Nonsense.

I don't know why you're doing this to me. REALLY.
you tell me I can be whatever I want.
You tell me I can follow my dreams.
But, at the end of the day,
You just push things in my face.
"So, Kaylee, you don't want to go to the Health Academy?"
"You don't want to be a Dermatologist?"
NO! just let me figure it out!

On another note, I'm really really bored. "/
And all us kids who havn't taken the Drug and Alcohol Test to get our permit yet, should get together and do that ;D

I had a really weird dream last night...

I think I'm going to go paint my toes :D


What Is Your Reality?

WE MAKE CINNAMON ROLLS AS BIG AS YOUR HEAD!!

Over-all, today was pretty good.
i went and rode Luke and that was fun :D
and when I was attempting to fix my moms laptop, i got caught up in looking at old photos from like a BILLION years ago.
We were country folk then. :P

It's really nice out tonight so I was thinking I could get a big blanket and go lay on the trampoline and watch the stars :)
But my mom probably won't let me :/

Over a breakfast of Boar.

I know I'm being hypocritical about this, but, it really annoys me when people just complain about everything, and then make up excuses to why things annoy them.

Example:

"I don't think you pay enough attention to your horses, so I think we should get rid of them and buy cows"

"Yes i do. We got rid of the cows we had before because you said they were a pain in the butt"

"i didn't say that"

"yes, you did."

"well, the horses are costing me money, and cows can take care of themselves."

"you have to feed cows too."

"not as much, and horses are stupid, they don't do anything for you. They just sit out in a pasture. They have no feelings"

"What? Yes they do. Cows are stupid, what are you talking about?"

and this just kept going on until he actually denied that he ever said that horses have no feelings....-.-

IGNORE ME.
It really isn't his fault.


Random Comment:
i want to learn how to write with my left hand.

I can feel the earth beneath my feet.

It 's weird.
things are falling back in place.
but at the same time they're not.
but, i'm almost there

Even stranger, I talked to my mom all the way home.
it was...weird.
but nice.
I can't remember the last time that happened without us breaking out into some kind of argument.

The spa day in health was amazing.
I feel at ease, and..I havn't had a headache all day:)
I need to do things like that more often.

I've been pondering what i want to do with my life for some time now, and it just hit me, hey, i'm almost a sophomore. School is getting out soon. And I don't know what I'm doing.
Internal conflicts eat me alive.

Wish List:
- More time.

I want to break every clock

HAY--> is for horses

Even though i stupidly stayed up till 2 in the morning, and fell asleep in biology, and had to finish writing my speech, i had a good day:)
To EVERYONE: you are all wonderful people and i love you all:)

ok, my computer is being obnoxiously slow"/

Current Loves:

- Pop Tart Pop Tarts
- wells xP
- turtles, because they live in holes
- GIANT oven mitts
- bouquets
- finding random money
- Vitamin water, because it turns your insides pretty colors :D
- awesome socks from wal-mart :D

Here goes nothing.

I had a nice day:)

but something is on my mind and I would like to ask a favor of all of you.

Yes, two people have already done this, but i have always wondered what people really think of me.
I am not asking for compliments. I am asking for honest to God truths. please...

How I Disappear.

I'm at the library and I'm having a terrible mental block on what to write for Mr. Baumann's class. I was thinking I could write about the topic "How I Don't Believe I'm Free" but it would just turn into ranting and I really don't want to do that.
FCAT tomorrow -.-

If You could tell it to me straight, then that would be great.

Current Loves:
- The music in my head
- Air Conditioners

It's Alright to be Little Bitty.

Yes that IS a COUNTRY song :P

My parents allowed me back on the computer in exchange that I allow them to look over my blog. oh joy.

I hate the feeling of being helpless. I hate the fact that I'm physically unable to change anything around me. But really, that's how life goes. In order to live we have to trust in unseen things. Because ultimately, it's not our will that matters.

My baby horsie has an abscess on her foot:(

Why can't I just say what I need to say?

For some reason Anberlin puts me in a good mood:)

Confessions:

1. ...?

2. You're too proud to admit when you're wrong, so you end up doing stupid things.

3. Just STOP. please. I feel bad enough.

4. GET OUT OF MY LIFE. You give everyone around you GRIEF.

5. Whenever you gaze off, I want to ask you what you're thinking about.

6. Thanks for being there:)

7. LOL :D

Random Comment:
I want to put a camera on my cat to see where he goes during the day. He always disappears.

Current Loves:

- Pink Skies
- green eyes :P
- Books that make me dream
- Breaking out in song :D
- Bow Ties
- Laughing because we're hyped up on morning jewce :P
- BOB MACKIE :DDD

I'm Not AlOOWED ON ANYMORE

I havn't felt well all day. I feel like i'm burning up, but at the same time i'm so cold... Ana probably got me sick.
All day I was on edge for no reason. Even now, my shoulders are tightening up, and I can't seem to relax. Every time I stand up, I find myself pacing, my thoughts forcing me to move. I couldn't seem to focus on anything in school today. My mind kept drifting off.
Last night my mom decided she wanted to look at my blog. I told her no, so she went and told my dad. Then she said she was going to look at the history and find it. So I deleted it. I got in trouble; she went and told my dad again. I explained that it's my personal space. Now I'm not allowed on until further notice (I just found oput)
I want to go take a walk.

I need someone to talk to, but I don't want to talk to anyone.

I need someone to hold me tight and never let me go.

Current Loves:

- Hugs
- Sleeeeep
- More Hugsss:)
- Balance
- Paint. Lots and lots of Paint:)
- Focus

My brain is spinning again.

Nome: any melody defined by inviolable rules.

Today was fun.
WE'RE GOING TO STATE!!! :DDDDDDDDDD
and we get to stay in a hotel :DDDDDDDDD
and and and :DDDDDDDDD

wow, i'm such a dork.

anyayy, It's my parents anniversary, so while they're off to Bone Fish Grill, it's my task to care for the munchkins. I think i'll make pizza. Unfortunately though, this event cut my time at art club short:[...tear. Ahwell, I was too hyper to paint anything decent anyway :P When are we not having art club? is it this next monday? I don't know, I just remember seeing something saying NO ART CLUB TODAY on the schedule when I walked in.

i was cleaning up the kitchen and i found THIS. It's so violent for an 8 year old xD





Current Loves:

- Milk Maids
- Ginormous Fan brushes
- Nameless Asian dudes with AWESOME hair.
- Ballet
- We Won :DDDD yayy^.^
- Sunlight
- Shopping
- Converse<3 i'm getting some soon<3. it's really sad i've never owned a pair.
- Roses made out of candy wrappers

Helpful Hint: just to make it clear, i was not directing my comment about people hitting me towards anyone at the villages. it was towards my brother.

Word Vomit. GROSS

The only thing that bothers me about blogging is that now I just say random comments about how my family bugs me. I don't like it, but I can't help it. I feel bad complaining about how my family is this or that, when I have it auctually have it pretty good. It's like I pulled a drain or something and i'm not going to shut-up until I have all my petty feelings out... I need a better focus.

I really need to sleep now.

Goodnight<3

Mae DRugz.

I find myself wanting to keep coming back to blog more and more. It's soo addicting andd I love it :)

I'm off to Envirothon in da morn', so wish mae luck with that :P

Is it weird that I hate being cold but I love winter? I love being warm when it's cold outside. Winter clothes are nice,

I think it's funny how people act differently when no one's around. When people arn't looking, they become themselves, they become real. I hate the feeling that everyone is wearing a mask. How can someone can be kind and hospitable, and just turn around and treat everyone else like dirt?

I don't like being hit. Even if it's a "love pat" or whatever. It just bothers me on a whole different level. It makes me feel low and somehow that makes me feel like i deserve it in someway. That sounds so twisted. Most of you people are probably saying "wow, overdramatic much" right now. I don't care. This is my blog to display whatever kind of crazed ideas my brain spits out. You don't have to read it:) But do me a favor. Don't hit me. No, I'm not targeting anyone, this is just a general i've always felt this way kind of thing.

i'm sleepy "-

Current Loves:


- Sunrises
- Tin Foil
- Dimes
- Lolbolly Pine trees xD
- stealing brother's lunchbox
- Cappucino Fudge Blitz
- Warm People, because you can just stand next to them and you're automatically 10 degrees warmer. :P
- Blog Comments
- EElYAK xP

Living, is not Living alone

Today was pretty awesome:) Of course, I got lots of sleep this weekend, and that always makes everything better. The Biology test was uber easy :D So I'm happy^.^

I just get this feeling though, that I'm complete, but not really. And I heard this song my dad was playing. I must have heard it a thousand times before, but today it struck me.

All the empty words I've spoken
All the promises I've broken
All the lovers and the loves I've pushed away

Now they all come back to haunt me
And the silence seem to taunt me
Cuz they turn the tables round the other way

(Chorus)
Livin' is easy with someone who cares
Someone to call you their own
Livin is lovely with somebody there
Livin' ain't livin' alone, Ain't livin' alone


Did I turn my back so coldly
On the ones who tried to hold me
Sayin' only that I needed to be free

Now I know some dreams were shattered
Because I never thought it mattered
No I never thought of anything but me

(Chorus)

Have I taken all my chances
Will there be no more romances
Did I make my choice and never even know

That I'm much too young for endings
So I have to keep pretending
That tomorrow is the day my love will show

(Chorus)

Livin' ain't livin', no it ain't livin' alone
Livin' ain't livin', no it ain't livin' alone
No no livin' ain't livin alone
Livin' ain't livin', no it ain't livin' alone
Livin' ain't livin', no it ain't livin' alone


Current Loves:

- Burgundy nail polish
- Yohoo
- really warm pants:)
- awesome lunch tables
- art club<33
- paintings with giant flowers and nymphs
- Mondays
- Oranges with no seeds
- glasses
- KangaWoos xP

What you see, is what you get.

Why is it that everyone is always trying to be what they're not?
When they don't see what they want, they don't try to accept it, they just keep picking at themselves. Until finally, they can't help but pick at others and point out their flaws. This really annoys me. Its pointless to look for flaws in people, because then all you will see are the flaws. If you look for the beauty in everything, all you will see is beauty.


So, I picked up my cat and there was this huge bump right behind his front leg. So I moved the fur out of the way, and there was this MONSTER TICK D: So my mom got this metal needle thing to burn it off, right. But I think she did it wrong, because the tick EXPLODED. And this really thick, almost black, blood oozed EVERYWHERE. The head was still stuck in there though, so I had to pull it out :d and it was really really gross. Afterwards my kitty looked like he'd been shot. D: But he's ok now:)

jess thought i would share. :P

Current Loves:

-Books
-Over-sized jackets that go to your knees.
-M&Ms
-Trees with nice views
-French Braids
-Fluffy Beds
-25% Siamese kitty-cats
-Sleep
-Panoramas :DD