Saturday, February 28, 2009

Hide them in a pantry with your cupcakes.

My thoughts are scrambling around my brain.
I can't make sense of anything.
I'm tired.
My Uncle is in jail.
Why am I being like this?

Random Comment:
I'm going to end up with man hands if I keep climbing all these trees. :&

Friday, February 27, 2009

OKayy, so today wasn't that great. I got yelled at all the way to school. Following that, my parents said I was banded from the Internet until I was 18 just because they thought I was on it too much. Then my flash drive kept deleting my project. and I have a ton of homework. FUN. Obvious something must have changed, because at this moment I am indeed, on the Internet. So I'll answer this in a very long and drawn out manner.

I'm alot like my dad in some ways. Including saying things I don't mean. So after he told me I would never go on the Internet under his house again, I just left. I couldn't stand being in the same house with my mom talking about how much I care for my friends more than her. Literally, I was just sitting on the couch, and she starts talking about what a terrible child I've become, and how I'm not her little baby girl anymore. So I walked out the door, fed my horses, and sat in a tree for about two hours. When I finally climbed down and I stood there watching Margerita, doing everything I could to just avoid going back in the house again. Then my dad walks up, and tells me that he's going to let me use the Internet for an hour a day.....

Up in that tree, I really felt like I wanted to do something stupid. Anything stupid. I wanted to take a chance. Tempt fate. Everything was crashing down. But in reality nothing was. I felt like I was being put in a cage. I couldn't stand it. But, I don't do stupid things. I have too much self-respect.... It scares me I actually considered...I really don't know what I was considering....Nothing I guess. I'm just sick of being stuck in this rut I've put myself in.

Random Comment:
I love horsie kisses<333:D


Thursday, February 26, 2009

Somewhere along

After reading a certain person's blog, I feel like a monster. Have I really changed that much?..... Where I only thought of how much I hated when my mom yelled or got stressed out, I didn't feel any compassion for her. She has so much to worry about. It bothers me how I could have been so selfish, and stupid. She does do alot, and she's always busy, and that's not her fault. I shouldn't be arguing back and adding to the stress. It's just wrong. I should be helping. Not making a burden out of myself.

I'm going to make a list of things.
Things that I have never done.
Things that I want to do.
And some things I never want to do.
...I like making lists as you can see :P
They help me sort things out.

Sorry this stuff isn't that interesting. But I'm too tired to write about anything else "/

I Have Never:

- ordered something from starbucks.
- told someone off.
- "talked back" to a teacher.
- had a tattoo.
- been on one of the big Ferris wheels.
- had a real job.
- made something truly beautiful.
- ran a marathon.
- galloped a horse ( my horse is too old :( )
- made breakfast for a stranger.
- bungee jumped
- sky dived
- seen snow
- snow skied
- water skied
- been out of the country
- kept a garden alive
- eaten one of those little pints of ice cream while watching a chick-flick xD
- slept under the stars
- told my parents how much they mean to me
- Stayed up all night and then watched the sunrise
- been completely alone for more than 12 hours.
- decided to just skip wearing make-up to school.
- skipped school
- driven a car
- been to Hawaii
- fasted
- worn my glasses to school without it being against my will.
- left a present on someones door step
- been to New York
- learned a second language
- seen a meteor shower
- had someone close to me die
- accepted a random stranger as a friend in myspace.
- been to a football game
- made a tree house
- caught a really big fish

Things On My Mind:
and no, I won't tell you who you are
even though it's kind of obvious :P

1. I'm really sorry.

2. You are one of my Best friends, and you mean alot to me and I can always share everything with you:), but sometimes i feel like we're always competing.

3. You are also one of my Best friends. You always know what to say and I think you are the only one who actually understands me:) Thank You for that:)

4. You are an extremely inspirational person:)

5. I don't know what you want from me. Actually, that's a lie, but I'm not really sure.

6. It's nice to be friends again:)

7. I don't think you like me very much, But why should you?

8. I feel like we are drifting, and it makes me feel alone.

I'm exhausted. i can't breath
I'm loosing track of my dreams. i lost them long ago
I'm an extremely emotional person. and they're crushing me
Today I almost cried. it's crazy how soft words get to me
But I'm going to keep going. for me

Because I can:)

Random Comment:
I miss my ballet class:(

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

I Took A Walk

I was about to tell you about what a terrible day I had. I had already written part of it and was just about to get into a long rant about my uncle. But then I stopped to go feed my horses, and everything was perfect. It was cool and there was a slight breeze that held the fresh scent of orange groves. The sun was setting with splashes of pinks and and yellows, and all that could be heard was the sound of swaying trees and my rubber boots. So I took a walk...and everything was just so peaceful. I wish life could be like that:)

Then I made a pie:) It's pumpkin ;P

Random Comment: I want to own a cafe. Also, I have another thing, I actually decided this a while ago, but I'm writing it down so I can't go back on it: I'm not going to go out with anyone unless they're my best friend.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Images Scar my Mind.

I am not afraid to die; But I am afraid of death. I am afraid to loose those I love. I go through my day with hopes and dreams that are a constant shelter. But It seems as though, in only a moment, they can shatter. Honestly, I don't know what I could do without you. I don't know what any of us would do without you. Every time you come home from the doctors, more and more of you is gone. piece by piece. I can't help but see everything in your eyes... You've accepted it. You don't worry for your own life, you worry only for us. You think that if you weren't here anymore, you would be letting us down, but you wouldn't, you couldn't possibly. Through the years you have always been there, you have always pulled us through. I could not have asked for a better father... You know me so well, it seems, But you don't know that every day I say a prayer for you. Every day I ask God to let me keep you a little longer, then maybe, I'll be able to let go. I know now I can't, and I won't.

a quote:
"Those with inner strength, don't worry about what others think; because they thrive on themselves."

Random Comment: My hands were really toasty today, and my hands are NEVER toasty :O! Usually they're in danger of getting frostbite. :/

Monday, February 23, 2009

"Kaylee is an Albino Cream Puff :D"

I don't have time for a full post but here's a picture of my totally amazing kitty cat :DD he follows my brother around when he hunts :P

His name is Shay ")

Anywayyy, ya, title courtesy of Mona :P

I forgot what I was going to write about so i'm just going to list things...

- Grace, your blog isn't letting me comment on it DD;

- I want to live in Europe for awhile, then maybe in Canada. I definetely want to travel.

- I love pictures because i love to remember moments:)

- I wish you would stop avoiding me.

- I'm confused at the moment of what I want to do. Dream job, no pay. vs. Acceptable job, large amount? I want to live but I don't want to throw my life away. I need a compromise.

- You are most definetely my favorite brother. i love youu<333

- You make me feel like a pig. Even though I'm not.

- I love my room, it's so peaceful:)

- I keep going between wanting to live in the country and living in the city...

- I wish you didn't yell at me.

- I'm not a patient person.

- I love to walk around outside barefoot:)

- Burgers are grosss ;P

- I like the silence of nature.

- Eyes are amazinggg

- Horse's noses are the coolest thing EVER :D

- i know how to make soap :P

- why are you mean to me? you don't even know me.

- You people are my best friends eva ;D

- You're so nice, i really want to get to know you better:)

- You confuzzle mee.

- I watch cooking shows sometimes :P

- i really need to do something about those headaches...

- I never thought we would be friends, but here we are. and i'm so glad:)

- nail polish annoys me, mostly because my nails are super tiney :P

- I want to be a better friend to people.

- People who are annoyed by happy people can just go bury themselves, because I can't help it :P

- You are the only person who gets under my skin.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

About that.

I would love some very brutal comments on this. "/


I've realized something today.

Sometimes I ask somewhat stupid questions, not because i don't know the answer, but because I want to ask something else.

My Random Comment
: I want to start wearing perfume:)

Saturday, February 21, 2009


I'm probably just crazy but when people say they're "just joking" about something they said, I don't believe them. Because I think somewhere, way down deep, they feel something that would incline them to say that. People are full of suppressed emotions and thoughts. So when something slips out, maybe something hurtful, they might want to cover it up, and what better than to say "just joking".

I don't want to be like my mom, so why am I always acting like it's a competition between us? She likes to rub past accomplishments in my face, and talk about how many doctors wanted to date her. But If I do something great and I tell her about it she acts unimpressed. She acts like no matter what I do I will never measure up to her. All I want is for her to recognize something I do well. I want to prove to her that I am worthy of her praise, But she's too busy dwelling in the past. She doesn't even pay any attention to us anymore, all she thinks about is money and the next ufirst meeting. I want her to open her eyes and be a little perceptive about things. She doesn't know anything about me, or my little brothers. She just sleeps and yells and if she knew I was writing this would disown me. But I have to let it out someway or else I snap at her and get in trouble for "back talk". She's so oblivious to everything, and she acts like I know nothing about the world. I can't talk to her. I can be around her without getting agitated. I want so badly to talk to her about things that happen in my life, but she doesn't care. She is just interested in the next gossip story to talk to her mom about. For hours at a time she'll be back in her room, telling my grandma what terrible children we are, and how ungrateful we are for everything she does for us. It makes me sick. She wants to know the dirt on everyone, but she won't take the time to find out about her own kids.

Oh and my brother keeps walking up behind me and trying to see what I'm writing. -.-
I can't wait to move out.

I love my baby horsie:) She's very photogenic ;P

Look at 'dis.

Randomness comment:

I love splatter style ceilings:)
you never know what you might find.
It's a heart^.^->

Friday, February 20, 2009

To Life. :)

I was thinking about it, and I have so many things to be thankful for. My family, my friends, my life...everyone around me, and that's just part of it.
I think the best thing that ever happened to me was comming to the villages. It helped me more than anyone knows. It's just days like these that I look back, and I thank God that I'm here with everyone and all of my amazing friends. Everyone of you are so defined. I could never compare you to anyone. :) We're all so different, but at the ame time we're so much alike. All my life I've always wondered who I was and where I belonged, and I've found it. I'm happy with where I am, and I'm going to be from now on. I may not have worked out the details of where my life is headed, but I know how I want to live it. This past year and a half I've gained so much confidence in myself, but I never would have without the help of my friends:) And I want you to know that no matter how far away life takes us, I will never forget any of you. :)

The country boys are attacking. :O

So, after school today we went to win-Dixie; and this guy, from out of nowhere, runs up and starts yelling at this old crippled guy that he cut him off. Then the old guy, (lets just call him Bob) says that police cars were blocking his way.The other guy, (lets just call him Joe) then stats yelling at Bob about old people and how blah blah blah they are; all of this while entering the store. Bob and Joe continue this little party for a good 2 minutes more. Then with a final curse from Joe, they go their separate ways. To me this is completely pointless. Really? What are you going to accomplish by yelling at strangers? If you need to "let off some steam" don't do it in the middle of winn-dixie. You just look stupid.

Randomness comment: I want to learn how to paint pretty clouds:)

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Today of days.

Unbeknownst to all of you, I've had a blog for awhile now. I've just decided that I'm tired of being all private and having no one to comment on my crazy thoughts. So I've made this new one. Enjoy:P--> by the way, sometimes I vent out things, and once I do most of the time I really don't feel that way the next day.

I think my headaches are getting worse. I've told my mom, but I don't think she thinks anything of it. They could be from stress. I've just started having this really insane schedule, with the grease thing and my dad working late, plus art club. Though, I find that if I relax my shoulders and breath in deeply they arn't so bad. Maybe I should take up yoga...

Isn't it amazing that by simply holding a cup of tea, you feel calmer, peaceful? That's why I love tea; the soothing sensation. Nothing calms me more really. It washes away my worries, my aches, and my pains. And for a moment I forget where I am. One senseless moment of peace. Then it all cames back with a rush, and I'm here again.

I'm really tired,