Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Breath a little deeper, walk a little slower.

I want Fall Break.
I want it so bad.
I want to watch the sunrise from my porch, not the front seat of my mom's Prius.
I want to have time to watch The Wizard of Oz.
I want to organize my room. It's driving me insane. O.o
I want to make little raindeer shaped cookies with my family.
I want to paint.
I want to sleep.
I want it to be cold ALL day long-not just the morning.
I want time.
Time to play the piano
and my dad's guitar.
Time to do everything, because I feel like I'm missing out on so much.

I'm tired of being rushed.

On an awesome note//
Our Icelandic friends are coming to see us for Thanksgiving :D yay.

I love you people<3

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Pomegranate lollipop? Do I dare?

I asked God who I was supposed to be.


I'm so tired.

My dad has been complaining about his job a lot lately.
His boss is pretty much a nasty jerk, and he really wants to do something else.
I know him, and he wouldn't complain about anything unless it was something that was really driving him crazy. He isn't getting a lot of sleep and he just hasn't been himself at all. Hes getting agitated easily AND THAT NEVER HAPPENS. SERIOUSLY. Now, all of the sudden he wants to take me out of Art Club and Vocal Arts because he doesn't like getting home late. And I would seriously rather just home school if he did. Getting up at 5 every day and sitting though class isn't worth it to me.
I could do so much more without all that.
I could still see my friends and I would have time to learn to play piano and the guitar, hang out at church, ride my horses, paint, get a job = mini cooper!..maybe I could even get some sleep every once in a while. ;P

~I'm trying to make the best of it

Saturday, October 10, 2009

I want to fold the world in my arms tonight.

It's my favorite time.
Shadows stretch out along the grass
The sun burns brighter as it kisses the sky goodbye
Long wispy fingers touching
in it's last embrace until tomorrow.

It's a pretty sight c;

I don't know why it came to mind now, but I've always wanted a sister.
The type that brushes your hair and gives you hugs;
that you can stay up all night and talk about everything to.
It would be nice.
I like to image that's what Kayla would have been like,
but she died.
A miscarriage, actually.
They aren't even sure if she was a girl,
but my parents always thought so.
The thing is though, I wouldn't be here if she had lived.
But it reminds me that I'm here for a reason.
-Because she didn't die for nothing.
That I am sure of.

It helps to know I'll meet her one day<3

Monday, October 5, 2009

It doesn't have a name yet...

But what do you think?
It's for English. c;

Remember that girl, so long ago?
With petal tears, and a radiant glow?
So sweet, behind in her years.
Icey veils covered her face, her eyes,
and even her ears.
Like spider webs, they did appear.
Muffled her voice.
Making her oh, so very hard to hear.
But you saw her light, her soul, her might.
You saw her will to take flight.
And with a gentle hand, you led her to stand
On her own two feet.
As a butterfly.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

I'd like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly.

I hate it when people spit on the sidewalk,
the sight fills me with disgust. D:

I feel kind of nauseous right now. I don't know why, I seem to get sick on a lot on Sundays.
It might of been the Juicy Juice though.
The sweetness makes me gag, but I was seriously craving some fruit. O.o

I don't like this year much. It scares and disappoints me all at once.
And I am afraid of it all.
But at the same time I feel like I can handle it.
Because secretly, it's all beginning to make sense.
The highs and the lows.

My parents don't seen to get the fact that I know what I'm doing. It's like they keep trying to convince me that I'm going to mess up my life and it will be ruined for ever and ever and ever and ever *echo*
But I know.
I'm not going to drink
I'm not going to do drugs
I'm not going to do anything of the sort. Ever.
No cussing either, which they seem to think I will do inevitably because they think half of the people I hang out do. -Thanks to their new interest in my cell phone's inbox.

It's all soo peachy. _P_

I was actually been thinking about going back to home school. I don't know why, but the thought occurred to me last week and hasn't left. I wish we could move or something -closer to school, I mean. Everything would be so much easier.
My dad keeps talking about how he doesn't like his job and I can see how much it takes it's toll on him. He almost fell asleep while driving the other day.
Both of my parents keep talking about how the renters haven't paid and how much they worry for our family. IF this and IF that. It scares me very much actually, but I never tell them. I have to get rid of my horses because we could loose our Ag. exemption on the land that they graze on. Because it would be an extra $10,000 in taxes if we did.

And I know I keep saying this,
but I really want to go back when I was little,
and everything stayed together so perfectly.
All the edges matched up quite nicely then. Quite nicely indeed.

This post is very blocky and it's annoying me -.-

In more cheerful news// I'm joining color guard.
Most of you know this, but I just feel like saying it again :D
I used to have a little baton and taught myself to twirl pretty well.
It broke though xP
So, this should be fun.

I'm trying to convince Tanner to join chorus next year. It's wrong for me to, but I really hate it that he doesn't enjoy music like my dad and I do. He said he wanted to join drama club, but doesn't want to sing and/or do any dancing. :/

He does, however, have an interest in football..

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Go Greek!

My brother threw a crazy temper tantrum today O.o
I don't even know how it started, but he punched me in the stomach really hard for a 9 year old. D"

as long as Rachel can take me to Bridgeport afterwards. ;D
Oh, and I met my dad's boss over there the other day and she wants me to sing O.o *stage-fright* e-gad!
She also wanted musicians and small groups to come and sing or play, if anyone from school is interested..I don't think there is any $$ involved, but she stressed that it would be "Great credentials for college". xP

For our English poem I wrote about a candy shop x) I was thinking I could make a giant tree/candy thing with bubble gum all over it. I'm not really sure how everything is going to work together yet. I really don't want to work on it in class though. It seems like a Saturday morning type of thing that I should be doing while wearing pajamas and eating Cap n' Crunch. xP

School was fun.
It was probably because I got 7 hours of sleep<333
I could do with more though.
Any less and I'm dead _P_

Off to finish homework
~'night peoples ;3

Debates Tomorrow! ;D

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

The sky is so deep.

Déjà vu.
That's what this is.
This feeling surrounding,
seeping within.

Prying between my ribs,
fogging my head.
this little feeling
In the back of my head

It winds it's way,
snugging up close.
Finding it's way
to let something loose.

I need to go to bed, but I'm procrastinating..like usual.

I'm really bad at making lunch for myself. Seriously, like last Wednesday, I ATE A CAN OF PEAS. D:
Then I spilt half of it on myself because I'm clumsy. niice.

And guess what?
painting shoes does not work. AT ALL.
I painted an old pair of flats silver because my mom told me they looked crummy and I couldn't wear them any more, but they looked all texture-y and gross, so I painted them this crazy poppy red and I disliked them even more, so I stamped them with purple thumb-prints and now they look like just grrrroosssss.


owowow. :( I wish my little brothers knew how to walk on backs..I been slouching so much.. Or maybe it was the 10,000 pounds of books we had to carry. I really can't tell.
If I was still taking dance I would probably have better posture. I can't even do a side split any more. Which is just sad because that took me forever to get that.

ok, I'm gonna stop rambling now. :L

i love you guys<3

Monday, August 10, 2009

What do the People Say?

Backpack side 1

The product of today.

What do ya think?

Monday, July 27, 2009

Giant Gumballs, Free O.J., Assorted Meats; O MY!

- I have the urge to dance, and it has nothing to do with my consumption of Dark Chocolate.

- Were home. :D (not the reason)
and Tyler killed my cherry tomato plants >:[

-I have officially had a learners permit for 4 days *Kudos*
I haven't killed anyone yet, so that's pretty good...
I ran off the rode a little bit; but it was only on our driveway. =P

- I'm a little confused..? I need to talk to you.

- Tanner caught a Catfish!
We named it Julius c:

- Scooping fish out of a lake with a net is A LOT easier than catching them with a hook ;P

- I HATE 13 hour car rides, tiny showers, and gas-station bathrooms *.*

- Beware: Flaming Marshmallows "d

- Line dancing is fun xD

- Coutry people are nice ^.^
I like it when they call people sugar. C=

~That's all for now folks.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

A Votre Santé ~ To your health

I'm tired of saying I want.
I sound like a bratty 2 year old.

We have words written on our soul that tell us who we are.
We can stray from what that is, but the real us is always there.
It's the little voice in the back of your head.
Your secret hopes.
Your wild dreams.
The part of you that's strong when everything else has failed.
Sometimes it's hard to find under everything else,
but it's there.

We're leaving for North Carolina tomorrow to visit our cousins.
It's 52 degrees in the morning up there ^.^


Thursday, July 16, 2009

Mango Ice Cream Makes Me Sick

I want a mural for my room... I was thinking maybe I could paint one myself. That is, if my parents will let me ;P
I like the panda, but every time I see the little dudes I think of The Jonas Brothers D.D
Patrick's Disney influence must be getting to me. ;P
I wish I could have gone to Canada with him.
I've never even seen snow =(
But of course Mom and Dad let him go traipsing off around the world
I'm going with you next year!!
HEY MONA and GRACE and anyone else who likes thrift stores!
We should do something this weekend ;D
PS: Piano is FUN.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

I like Now

I haven't been on in awhile...
Actually, I haven't even talked to anyone in awhile... Except for today, which was fantastic C:
But, I guess It just bothers me. Every time I come on here and read everything going on, it makes me sad, or tense, or stressed and that's not something I enjoy. I'm not good with problems or issues. If I can't fix them, I tend to push them away or avoid them completely... It's something I need to work on. Even loud voices, I shrink up. If my mom and dad are "discussing" something, I leave the room.
Recently though, It's just been nice. I have some breathing room and I don't want it to go away. I don't want summer to end.
When it's cloudy, I can spend the day outside. Our pastures are laced with soft clover and the garden is just starting to break through the surface. It's really lovely.

I'm full of Japanese food. ;P
Happy Birthday Ana! ~ you're cake was yummy ^.^


PS: Thank you to those who tell me I need to stop being such a hermit and talk to them
-You make me feel special C:
i love you people<33
Don't ever forget that!

Saturday, June 27, 2009

I'm making a backpack.
I'm excited :D
My mom took me to Joans today and I picked out some "Duck" canvas material (idk what that is either). AND I found a really cool pattern for a backpack. yay!
I was thinking about scanning my art folder on transfer paper and ironing that on it-even though most of the doodles are Mona's " P

VBS ended :( It was so much fun. We made "Alligator Nests" out of La Choy Noodles. Which were actually kind of gross xP. Making Pretzel Butterflies was cool though.

Brent is sick :(
he kept throwing-up today.

I feel like I'm being a bad friend. I haven't really been keeping in touch...
We need to go do something together c:

Oh and hi Patrick ;P


PS: I hate the heat.
So much.
I'm going to move to Canada
or some remote part of France
and buy a Siberian Husky.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

I am a Ninja

Today was... thrilling. Like the emotions of a lifetime in one day. It was completely exhausting but still somehow magnificent.

I BOUGHT A NETBOOK *FREAK OUT* A Dell Mini 10 =D it's so cute!

No More Parental Block. YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I haven't been able to read most every one's blog for the past couple weeks. -.-

I spent at least 5 bucks trying to get a Squirtle out of one of those money eating contraptions with a giant claw. WHAT THE HECK DO YOU CALL THOSE THINGS? I never knew.

Mona and I found a little man in a purse at Goodwill. A little while later, at the other side of the store, we happened to find a CD with a figurine attached and at the back of the head there were footprints with a bar code, and the little man from the purse fit into the spot! It was fantastic.

I also persuaded my dad into letting me keep the eye cam on my netbook. He's was totally about to caulk it up.

I am sleepy, so goodnight!

PS: VERY late response but I named my guy-fish Koko C:

and apparently it's unMANLY to have a mirror in your room. xD is this true?

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

The very unimportant world at Large

I was going to wait until tomorrow to post so I could ACTUALLY have pictures of my Bettas to show you, because I am having a rather difficult time naming my DUDE-fish.
The lady-fish's name is Dannina ") (I'm still trying to decide weather to spell it with one n or 2...) I was thinking something Japaneeese?.. or, something of that orient...?..
any suggestions?
It's much too dark to attempt photography at the moment, so I will get back to you .

But He's white & red and looks very much the girly-man
He also lives in a trifle dish.

Liiike this one.

Minus the frilly dessert.

Today I volunteered at teen court, and this guy there reminded me so much of you.
He even looked like you.
It made me miss you a lot.
But, you will never read this to know.

I feel like sleeping,
so, goodnight<3

Thursday, May 28, 2009

My Dad Would Be Intimidating If He Had Hair.

this is my 100th post... ^.^ Woohoo!

- My mom told me my eyeliner looked Gothic.
Then she told me that I should bring an extra pair of clothes to the Backloriet concert because if we went somewhere and I was wearing my concert gown people would think I was Gothic.


- Tomorrow is the last day of school -and I'm sad. Because I know that my parents won't take me to go see my friends that often because "they don't feel like it". *BIG sigh*:( I'll end up plastered to the TV watching re-runs of Project Runway and organizing my closets/drawers ect. I told my parents I want to get a job at the cute little Melon Blossom Cafe' 10 minutes from our house. But NO. I can't bacause I'm supposed to be focusing on school EVEN THOUGH IT'S SUMMER!

- I can't take art next year because of SPANISH D:

- My parents have bought a million pounds of junk food recently and I really hate it. Don't get me wrong, I will eat junkey food if I'm out somewhere, but when so much of it Acutally in our house, it bothers me. Mostly because we used to make everything homemade and now somehow we never have the time. Instead we have microwave pretzels and tv dinners. So I've been making my own food and my parents keep complaining that I never eat with them anymore.

- We have a new desk in our computer room and it's pretty :)

- I need to go look over my vocab words.

- I hate yelling so much.
I'm glad my dad never yells.
I don't think I could stand that.

- There's a star with a grin on this ebay painting on the wall next to me and it is seriously giving me the creeps.

wow prepositional phrases.

- Thank you for making my day better.
You always do. (:
I'm going to miss art a lot.

- Everyone should come and hang out in the band room and listen to Vocal Arts,
because afterwards we're going to Olive Garden and it's gonna be fun.

We need to sing while were waiting like we did last time xD

Hopefully, we will have enough money and not have to call my mom ;P

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Strawberry Wine

I missed talking to you.
I wish we had kept in touch when I left FA.

Friday, May 22, 2009

It's Where the Wild Things Are.

NO MORE EXAMS = *happyface*
I want to sleep on the trampoline tonight.
it would be pretty sucky if it rained though. >,<

Thursday, May 21, 2009

My Soul Weeps

Have I ever told you guys how much I want to make everything ok?
I want to give you a cookie as big as your head and tell you everything is going to be all right.
I want to make you chicken soup when you're sick.
I want to see you smile and be happy.
Because that's what I'm meant to do. I can feel it in my bones.
If I can make you smile, then I know, in some small way, I have made the world better.
That's my little part.

Your smiles scare me.
I can almost see the staples pinning them there.
Your eyes are pained.
I'm afraid you're beginning to fall.
Please don't.
i love you <3
talk to me


Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Hey Jude

I love when your sitting in the car
and a song with a great bass comes on.
Your leg is leaning against the door
and the beat runs up to your knee
The rain slows in time, making little splats on the windshield.
The wipers whisking by just in time for the new drops to fall.
and-for a moment, everything is in sync.

I live for those moments.

Art was fun <3
the exam was really stupid though because there was a bunch of Artist/Painting matching going on and we never learned any of it. :(
-but it's not Mrs. Smrekar's fault because they made the test before she came and wouldn't let her see it. Which is really really annoying.

Health is boring me.
Mrs. Mosby said she can't answer my questions. D.D

My only accomplishment since coming home has been to carve a nice little tunnel in our Dulce De Leche ice cream. yumyum ^.^

My horses look really wet and miserable out in the rain :(
I want to sneak them into our garage, but I would never get away with that.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

It's the Grammys

I love you all so much and I hope you never ever forget that.

Thank You

- For seeing through my deflections and making me be myself.

- For always being there

- For never changing yourself for anyone

- For kicking my butt sometimes, because no one else will.

- For always knowing when I'm sad

- For always cheering people up, even when your the one who needs to be cheered.

- For sticking around

- For being someone I look up to.

- For always sneaking up behind me and giving me hugs. They always make me feel special :)

- For being my stable ground.

- For always believing in me.

- For being you. I miss you so much-and I'll probably never seen you again.

I don't know whats going on in my head. My nights are plagued by unpleasant dreams that slip from my mind, but leave me clinging to my pillow searching my windows for a glimpse of imaginary shadows. My bookcases are now the home of 12" monsters waiting to pounce on me in my sleep. I have started retreating to the couch where it's goose feather pillows lull me to bed. Then I wake to find my parents scowling over me telling me I should sleep in my own room.
I haven't had nightmares like this since I was little.
Maybe God is telling me something...

Sunday, May 17, 2009


How did I hurt you?

I don't know where Im going with this...

Why do words sting us so much?
They cut to our hearts and make us bleed where no band-aid can cover.
But the words that hurt the most are those that are true-because we know it, and kept it hidden and were hoping by some chance no one else would happen to glance that part were so very ashamed of.

People are always saying to be yourself, but what if that person is truly a bad person. Should they not they try to conceal that? Being the type of person that I am, I've always believed that deep down there is some kind of good in everyone. But what about those psychos that go on murdering sprees? Is there any good? can someone be so consumed with, i don't know, Hate?, that they aren't even people anymore? To enjoy seeing terror in someone's eyes, is just... all for the sake of power.

I'm not trying to compare mean people to Mass-murderers, I just get off topic A LOT.

Why do I want to understand this?

I don't know why I'm thinking about this.
too many crime shows maybe.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Another Day Closer to You

Right now I'm sitting here enveloped in the smell of eucalyptus.
My brother really knows how to buy a girl a present.
And I'm thinking about this little bird i saw in Home Depot.
It was flapping around, trying desperately to fly through a window. PANG!..PANG!..PANG! again and again and again. I couldn't stand it. Then I saw that there was another little bird outside perched on a pole chirping to it and the bird the inside was chirping back. The bird on the inside kept panging it's little head against the window chirping even more desperately now, and then it just gave up.
The other bird flew away,
and I felt sick.
Are we all just little birds panging our heads on glass windows
trying to have what others have?

I want to be happy with what I have now.
because things are always going to be tough.
Graduation day is no quick cure.
If not one thing, then another.

I wish I was a kid again.
When I was home schooled
and everything was full of laughter and fun.
We had acorn fights
and camp fires
My dad would get out his guitar and sing to us.
He's a Tenor^.^
Patrick was home
and Tanner was my best friend.
We would catch baby calves and pet their silky faces.
Race our bikes and watch Dragon Tales.
Everything was so simple.

My dad always sang this song:

(Just Remember I Love You) by FIREFALL

When it all goes crazy and the thrill is gone
The days get rainy and the nights get long
When you get that feelin you were born to lose
Starin' at the ceiling, thinkin of your blues

When there's so much trouble that you want to cry
The world has crumbled and you don't know why
When your hopes are fading and they can't be found
Dreams have left you waiting friends have let you down

Just remember I love you
And it'll be all right
Just remember I love you
More than I can say
Maybe then your blues will fade away

When you need a lover and you're down so low
You start to wonder but you never know
When it seems like sorrow is your only friend
Knowing that tomorrow you'll feel this way again

When the blues come cryin' at the break of dawn
The rain keeps fallin' but the rainbow's gone
When you feel like cryin' but the tears won't come
When your dreams are dyin' when you're on the run

Just remember I love you
And it'll be all right
Just remember I love you
More than I can say Just remember I love you
And it'll be all right
It'll be all right
It'll be all right
It'll be all right


Wednesday, May 6, 2009

The Day is Well.

Today was different
and fun.
It made me smile:)

Musical soundings:

Pa pa pa pa pa pa Oh No can I have the car toniGHT
baby baby...

Grease Highlights will forever be ingrained in my head after this. -.-

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

I speak Spench

I'm going to write things in a list-y manner

I'm not sure what to say anymore.
Things are better.
I talked to my dad all the way home about everything
and he actually understood
he always does
except the girlie things
he rebels against all things girlie
but my mom will vouch for anything girlie.
When I was little I never realized how completely opposite they are...
I mean REALLY.

not fancy__________________________ _fancy
boat crazy ________________________does not like boats
will strike up conversation with- ___________will not
anyone anywhere
thrill seeker _______________________thrill evader
in the moment______________________planner
likes to spend ______________________likes to save

but, we were talking about a field in psychology
and he told me that i shouldn't pursue a career in it
because when he worked on a psych floor everyone was weird and creepy.
It seems that his bubble of understanding goes only so far.

I really want to to scream at some people
but I won't let myself
all for the sake of PEACE.
I could rip myself in two over this
but it wouldn't really get me anywhere.

- i have made so many drafts that i never posted
reason: I would go crazy if someone got in my head.

but maybe that's what I need.

I wish i had more time to devote to this
but i know if i left it as a draft it would never make it to my blog.

Friday, May 1, 2009


are so cute! ^.^
Sorry I haven't been posting in awhile. I've been using my journal. It's just a better place to think. My mind can do whatever and I don't have to worry about people questioning my sanity.
Which is well intact. ;P

The mind is a dangerous place. If your not accustomed to the altitude, you might get a little light headed.
But it is kind of weird that there is this whole little world in my head that no one knows anything about. Or maybe that's normal, and I'm just now finding that out...
IDK anymore.
I'm drugged up on Lack-o-Sleep, so it might be best to ignore what I'm saying.


Tuesday, April 28, 2009

HI There

I get in trouble way too often.
No Grease practice for me :(

Monday, April 27, 2009

My Clumsy Klutzy Little Self.

I'm going to take this time to recount some of the klutzy things I have done today...

At the MOSI museum something possessed me and I just had to buy dip n' dots, and they fell and melted over the bleachers in a Brilliant Rainbow display.
I ran into at least 5 different people.
I opened a bathroom door and it hit a little kid!
I jumped off a riser and fell flat on my face in Grease practice.
and then I almost whacked James in the balls. sorry "/

Hopefully, i will have used up my fair share of clumsiness by the time I start driving, or little pieces of Kaylee will litter the sidewalks.

enough said.
I must go slave over my biology homework.
Test tomorrow >.<


Sunday, April 26, 2009

End to the Sunshine?

I really don't want our little quasi-friendship to end.
It would honestly break my heart.
I agree with the idea that we need somewhere to say exactly what's in our hearts but there is a point to where blatant words are plain nasty.

really, I love you all so much.


Saturday, April 25, 2009

Cracks Through Stained Glass.

you're so full of yourself it's funny.

Envirothon was awesome. (we didn't study :P)
Except for the whole hotel running out of blankets thing.
Really, who knew there was an end?

The envirothon people had us go on a scavenger hunt, which was pretty cool, because we got to wonder through the forest alone and play on the suspension bridge. (woohoo!) The lady running it thought we were lost because we took so long. "P Then we went on the swings and sang Phantom of the Opera :D

EECKK. my throat is SORE.

So long. Far well. I bid you a goodnight. ;P

Thursday, April 23, 2009

A Piece of Today

I've started running again :)
It helps gets rid of all the extra tension of the day.
Which i need. I haven't been able to fall asleep quite as well as I used to.
( but even as I'm writing this my eyes keep slipping.(It's almost 2AM)
But even more than that, It makes me happy.
Cool air biting at my face, music blaring, sprinting down our fence line.
You mind gets lost in the now, instead of constantly twisting thoughts.
It's like a break from the world that reminds you of what you've been missing.
You almost don't want to stop.

I'm going to bed now before I fall out of my chair.

but they look like snakes d:


Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Short and Sweet.

I'm so terrible at being myself.
why? ughhh.


Cusin Lauren :D

this one was later.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Sunday Night.

We just got home from my cousins wedding and I'm eating a bowl of Special K w/ WHOLE MILK <---YAY FOR FATFULLNESS! The wedding was amazing. It was at the groom's (Daniel) Aunt's beach side chateau on Sanibell Island.
The actual ceremony was in the courtyard and right in the middle there was this really cool Banyon tree that lit up at night.
The Bridesmaids were in dark blue and sort of corral colored flowers (The roses were crazy!) and my cousin Lauren (the bride) wore this very simple elegance type sand colored dress and the groom and his men had pinstripe pants that matched her dress with white linen shirts and flip flops.
The pastor was this burly guy (Seriously. His shoulders were out to HERE. ) and he was dressed in linens and flip flops also.
And one of the groommen sang " When I Said I Do".
It was all very cute which// is why I'm going into such great depth :P

The reception was nice, But I'm not very skilled in the art of mingling with a room of successful 20 & 30-somethings whilst popping shrimp balls in my mouth, so I went and took pictures on the beach and made friends with all the culinary people. Which was fine by me :)

My Aunt Marguerite is a really cool person. When I was little I used to think she was semi-scary with her lavish amounts of eye shadow, but she's not at all. She took Tanner and Brent out on the beach and helped then pick out the best shells and last year when we went to my grandma's for Christmas and everyone got sick she took care of me and made me tea. :) AND She's a nature freak like me!
I just wish she didn't live all the way in Charleston.

Just thinking..My grandma once told me that God wouldn't put a love for something in us and wouldn't make us need for something if we wouldn't one day get it.
I wonder if that's true.

"The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat, etc. So people who don't know what the hell they're doing or who on earth they are can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self: Tall. Decaf. Cappuccino"
-You've Got Mail

Thursday, April 16, 2009

When Life-Lines are Low.

No matter how pessimistic I get,
or how much I complain.
I always know everything is going to be ok.
The sun will rise.
Cicadas will drive people crazy.
And I'll keep breathing.

As long as there are things and people I love around me
I'm happy :)


- Top hats
- Obscene fish
- those clicky highlighters
- Racist cupcakes w/ bushy green hair
- Alphabet trees
- New Friends
- Old Friends
- Hearts in the floor boards
- Wheeleys
- Finding money
- Opera ;P
- Taking over people's kitchens and baking them cookies.
- BENT scissors

My cat's been missing :(
since tuesday.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

I absolutely adore this song ^.^

“i think that possibly, maybe i’m falling for you
yes theres a chance that i’ve fallen quite hard over you.
i’ve seen the paths that your eyes wander down
i want to come to

i think that possibly, maybe i’m falling for you

no one understands me quite like you do
through all of the shadowy corners of me

i never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop
i love so much
all of the while i never knew
i never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop
i love so much
all of the while i never knew

i think that possibly, maybe i’m falling for you

yes theres a chance that i’ve fallen quite hard over you.
i’ve seen the waters that make your eyes shine
now i’m shining too

because oh because
i’ve fallen quite hard over you

if i didn’t know you, i’d rather not know
if i couldn’t have you, i’d rather be alone

i never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop
i love so much
all of the while i never knew
i never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop
i love so much
all of the while, i never knew

all of the while , all of the while”

A Long Rant About My Mother.

I swear I would have started yelling if you kept on like that. ( actually, i did )
I hate how you'll sit in the car with dad and discuss my future. It's not yours. It's mine!
I can't even be a part of the conversation. If I say anything, I get yelled at for 'interrupting'.
The more you push things at me and try to force me into doing 'What's Best for Me' the more I completely disregard what you say.
I wish you would just shut-up and listen to me.
Hearing you tell me to do something like I have no choice makes me NOT want to do it, just so I can exercise what little freedom I have.
Maybe I'm a prideful person, but I would do that.
I would throw everything away so I can prove that you can't control me.
Because that's what it is with you.
That's why you freak out at everything.
That's why your afraid when people walk by the car and you lock the door.
That's why you micro-manage everything and EVERYONE!
You're so afraid of the unknown you can't even function.
And it makes you so high strung that you go mental on people
and beat them with SPOONS!

Besides all this junk, I'm actually ok.
I'm happy with myself, which says alot.

Goodnight <3

Saturday, April 11, 2009

I need to do something productive.

We went to the beach yesterday and it was cold! So we took a walk up the beach and came back and just drove home. "/

I still have a headache. -.-

My parents decided that we can't have candy for Easter because we'll rot our teeth out.
So I asked for an Easter Egg Chicken--> THEY LAY BLUE EGGS :D
But they probably won't get me one. :(

I want to do something with my hair. I don't know what though. What do you think about bangs?...

Friday, April 10, 2009

Disconnected Thoughts

I can always tell who's walking through the house by the sound of their foot falls.
My dad's long, carefully placed strides.
Tanner's skipping walk.
My mom's quick steps, magnified by the sound of her clapping sandals.
Why do we tend to define people by what they do instead of who they are?
I've always been known as the girl who smiles all the time and bakes people cookies and is nice.
But what if I wasn't like that anymore? Who would I be?
Honestly, I don't know who I am.
I've just been doing what I've always done because that's what people expect from me.

I have a headache.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

You Only See What I Let You See

God. I'm so glad I finally said something. I've been feeling like crap about the whole thing and it was really getting to me...*Enough Said*

Spring break has been ok. The cool weather was nice but I hate being trapped inside when it's hot D:and now I have super calf muscles from riding my horsie so much. Woo-hoo. I'M GOING TO JOCELYN'S :D

I forgot how it all happened, but I was in the kitchen with my mom and she was like "You need to learn how to control your emotions" <--I must have given her a really weird face or something at this because then she was like "Why are you looking at me like that? You always look like you're hiding something"(I believe I gave her another weird face.)and then--> "Ya, Don't think I havn't got you all figured out"

It was all very weird.

something I wrote:

We try, We try
With all our might
to grasp this concept
Of light

But still we sink under
Daring ourselves to take a breath
Crying Out
but there's nothing left.


Saturday, April 4, 2009

boredom. AAAHHHH.

I don't know what's up with me. I'm just kind of floating in and out of my mind.
Being alone at home does that to you. Or at least to me. There are at least 4 other people in this house, but right now there could be no life on the planet it's so quiet... All I can hear is the sound of my obnoxiously loud computer.

I read a book called "Second Helpings" and I feel thoroughly slammed in a way that only extremely awesome genius type people can make you feel. WHOO! But anyway, it made me laugh. and I will NEVER again use the word like in the middle of a sentence!

(for the admirers of my little brother) TANNER GOT CONTACTS! But I think he's more adorable with his glasses.

My brother sprayed AXE everywhere and it STINKS! Not really. but i feel like I'm losing oxygen to my brain.

I need something else to read, but sadly my family lacks taste in books. Unless of course, I would wish to read "SAVE MONEY NOW" or perhaps "THE TEN ROADS TO RICHES". ehhh.
My mom is crazy about that stuff. By the time I was 8 I mastered the game of CASHFLOW.

Ahwell, at least I'm going to Grace's on Monday :D YAY!

Last night, I was taking a walk when all of the sudden I hear this LOUD GRUNTING NOISE. And I look over at the orange grove next to me and there's these giant black THINGS. AT first, I freaked out because I thought they were coyotes, but then I realized it was a bunch of wild boar(equally vicious but not as scary) and they had all these little black spotted baby piggies.
They didn't seem to notice me, so, I just stood there for a second watching them and it made me wonder how many people never get to see something like this. I might be a "country girl" and have never purchased one thing from the Starbucks menu, but I get to see the world differently. :)


Thursday, April 2, 2009

Strawberry Fields Forever

Have you ever had the feeling that everything was off?.. like someone changed the orbit a couple degrees and any second now we should be roasting alive, but we're not and everything is ok, more than ok, it's perfect and you have no idea why everything is suddenly falling in place, but even though you're shocked by this, you can't help but be completely content?
ya, that's how i've been feeling lately (as in today) <---CRAZY STUFF.

I've started to drink a lot of water and my hands are always warm now:)

BTW, this is a picture of my dirt cake for Biology :D


Monday, March 30, 2009

Life As It Is

So I opened my e-mail account, and I know I havn't been on there in awhile, but HOLY COW! 354 MESSAGES! :O!

ok, ignore the side note.

Umm, today was really good auctually. Even though Mrs. Mosby's "State Of The Art Machinery" made me feel bad. -.-
Poetry Alive is Fun. We all die in the end and it's AWESOME!--->I'm totally going to make swords like Mr. Baumann's!

I've noticed i've been using alot of Exclamation Points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!----> they're really fun:D

Recently, I've become addicted to collecting pictures from the web :D
So I'm going to start adding one of the days findings to my blog:)


Sunday, March 29, 2009

Momentous Occasion :P

I've decided something.
I'm going to embrace every part of who I am :)
Whatever that is.
Because through all this mess i think i lost it,
and it's about time I started being myself.

BTW, Inevitable is my new favorite song. :)



Saturday, March 28, 2009


I played with eyeliner today :)
it was fun :D
I didn't use some outrangeous amount, but my mom look kind of scared was like "Who does their eyeliner like that?" xD

I'm very sleepy. And my parents still havn't decided if I'm allowed to go to Mona's tomorrow -.- Gahhhh...


Friday, March 27, 2009

I Love This One :)

Come take a walk with me.
another world awaits.
Through the meadows and the trees.
glancing upon each flower and leaf.

Step off the trail.
and you will see.
More wonders than ever before.
Look upon the rusted trees.
with dew drops glistening in the morning air.

Take a deep breath.
and close your eyes.
what do you hear?
The whispering of a language long forgotten.
of love.
and of care.

Now open your eyes
to the skies around you.
As light awakens from it's slumber.
Singing it's laughing tones.
calling forth.

Simultaneous Release

So, I was baking cookies, and somehow I managed to drop a glass bowl in...and it..kindof um, shattered "/ Ya, then I stepped on a piece and cut my foot "/...I'm so talented ;P

We're doing this WICKED SWEET garden drawing in art class and it's going to be AWESOME! I'm not really sure how I'm going to do my tree though...But I'm REALLY EXCITED because I was auctually thinking about a garden scene I wanted to draw awhile ago. :D

right now i have this crazy urge to do Biology homework.

I was going to do confessions, but i realized i hate reading over other people's , so i'm not going to.


Random Comment:
i've always wanted to ice skate:)

Thursday, March 26, 2009

You Can't Bring Me Down.

Today was really the best day I've had in a long time time. I stayed after school until Grease practice and the whole time we played THE CUP GAME and sang and ate GOLDFISH and added those CRYSTAL LIGHT packages to our water bottles and then Skylar gave us these really yummy MINTS :D But they had ASPARTAME :O!..xP Then Mr Riddle came and gave us STRAWBERRY MILKSHAKES! and then for like 45 minutes Mona and I stood on chairs and sang into one of those DECKED-OUT MICROPHONES with the little screen things and sang random songs :D...It was AWESOME! :D

Current Loves:

- Good days
- Dollar Rings :D
- Booth Seats
- Buy One Get One Free SALES xD
- My dad looks like Jack Hannah xD
- Poetry
- Awesome Dance Music---> COBRA STARSHIP
- English Class
- Speeches about the 50s that use "BY GOLLY".

I need to go study for Biology so Goodnight<3


Wednesday, March 25, 2009

This Game We Call Life.

I close my eyes,
Because I'm sick of what I see
I'm sick of being here,
But I'm trapped with uncertainty

I don't want to see the pain.
I'm tired of all the hurt.
My eyes want to bleed,
The blood staining my shirt.

How can you live with yourself?
Tell me. How?
How is it possible you can contain yourself,
With all of this happening now?

We're all just heartless monsters
In this deadly game of chess.
Will you be one of the masters?
Or one of the helpless?


We're All Apart of This Little Planet.

*deep breath* umm, ya, I can't post what I was going to.

but I do have good news :)
My daddy went to the dermatologist today and they didn't find anything "suspicious"
so no more stitches for the moment. :)

Random Comment:
What the heck do you use Lemon CURD for?

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

I'm Pretty Sure You Guys Are Tired of This by Now...

but i'm just going to keep flooding my blog with mediocre poetry ;D

Keep your head up
and try not to shout.
Keep your ears open
but don't let it out.

You can't let them see
the pain in your eyes
You can't let them see
all of your lies.

Keep up your guard
until the timing is right
Keep up your guard
and you'll be alright.


PS: I'll post some happy poems soon. ;)

My Green Tea.

Is not here with me
I'm all out :[

Today was really COOL. :D
Even though I was TERRIBLY TERRIFIED to give my speech. I was supposed to go 4th, but Claira wasn't there, so I had to go 3ed. And the whole time,I was completely FREAKING OUT. But, it auctually went really well. Even though I only got 3 hours of sleep "/. And then everyone was saying I was a really good speaker (umm?) :D so, YAY! :D SUCCESS!! (I think?)

Ya, so my horse LUKE is losing his winter coat so there are like these giant WHITE puff balls EVERYWHERE "O

My brother is being annoying -.-
" Teachers are stupid! NO ONE should be a teacher "
...whatever Tyler.

Random Comment: I love to make paper roses:)

Monday, March 23, 2009

My Poems Never Have Titles.

I'm sorry, I know I'm just being annoying by changing my blog title every 2 seconds, but I promise I won't change it again.

Here's more poetry about...STUFF.
Some kind of poetry expert is going to beat me for this D:

I'm dying to speak what's here in me
but I can't seem to open my mouth.
I want to shout to the heavens
but I'm afraid to speak out.

I want my words to flow from me
into the great beyond.
I wish I could, but my words escape me
and go a different route.

Every time I imagine what I could be,
I float off into space.
But every wish I try to work upon,
slaps me in the face.

I am here though, am I not?
Wasting time that can't be bought.
Fighting wars that shouldn't be fought.
But, what? What can I do to change that?


Sunday, March 22, 2009

It's a Loblolly Pine Tree xP

I don't know why but right now i feel really good.
it's probably the whole getting tons of sleep makes me feel awesome thing ;D but i totally slept weird or something because it hurts really bad to turn my head to the right D:
Anywayss, I found out yesterday that my brother has Rosetta Stone FRENCH and he said I could use it :DDD WOOO. AND i'm really happy because i was going to buy it myself but it's like $200. Ya, so :D *thumbs up*. jess thought you all would like to know ;D

and my parents want to build a pool..?

Blehh, I'm sorry I keep switching from being down to being happy. I just get discouraged easily but then small things make me happy, so i'm always up and down. "/

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Don't bother reading this.

My head is hurting and i can't concentrate.
But it's more dizziness than pain...
Like that time when i accidentally took too much Vicodin.
Blehh, i hate pills.
I can't even choke down vitamins.
The knowing was a good movie.
It wasn't super fantastic, but it was kinda cool.
The girl behind us screamed and everyone jumped.
I don't feel too great.
actually, i'm kind of trembling.

Current Loves:

- Eating more brownies than pizza at CiCi's
- Really comfy theatre seats
- Not being alone at home on Friday nights.
- The 50s!!! because we could be CONTRACTORS!
- Random Spanish phrases
- Capitalizing for EMPHASIS

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Give me the strength to try

It really doesn't bother me whenever people talk about how bad a day they've had, or complain about problems in their life. It doesn't bring me down any, not to say that don't I feel bad for them, but I actually welcome it. It makes me focus more on other people, and makes me feel more grateful for what I have instead of just thinking badly about things in my life.

Saying that,
I'm thinking about being a Psychiatrist.

Random Comment:
I like looking at random blogs.. Is that weird?


PS: i only got one comment on my poem a couple days ago and it made me sad :(
but thank you grace :D

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

los pescados son lindos :D

no, i don't speak spanish.
but babelfish.com is awesome :D

i really really really don't want to write this speech :[

Ahhh, nooo, the shift key is broken and I have to use the other one


Our eyes wander for help

I had a pretty good day today.
Mrs. Mosby's class made me sick yesterday though. She said we could sit out on it and I wish I had. I didn't think it would bother me that much, but it really did...
She needs more schooling on how to teach.

To all of those who auctually read my blog, even though it sometimes seems depressing:

Thank you:)

Random Comment:
Car rides make me sleepy. 'O'


Tuesday, March 17, 2009


So, i decided to write some peotry...
This wasn't to anyone, but i like this style of writing.
It makes me think clearly.
please let me know what you think:)

I hide so much inside
So deep I can't understand.
Come tear me open
Show me what I am.

I can see it so clearly
Bright as day.
reaching out with fingertips
so close.

They brush the answer
but I know.
I can't reach.
I'm waiting for you.

Come take me in your arms
against your chest.
In my ear
I love You.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Lets Get Some Eyeliner.

Today was funn. :D
I always dread mondays, but they always seem to turn out AWESOME.
Anywayys, we just got back from the store, and we bought like 32! of those Marie Calendar frozen food thingys. HOLY CADAVER :O!
and before that Tanner dumped half a box of Peanut Butter Captain Crunch on his lap xD it was GREAT.
I'm really thirsty and I don't feel like saying anythng else, because my brain is shooting SPARKS. ByByee ;P

Current Loves:
- Febreez--> it has multiple uses
- Neon socks
- Pansies
- happy faces
- Tea:)
- NOT geometry
- pretty feet :D
- British Accents
- Irish Grandpas who go by the name of Pattycake

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Senseless Nonsense.

I don't know why you're doing this to me. REALLY.
you tell me I can be whatever I want.
You tell me I can follow my dreams.
But, at the end of the day,
You just push things in my face.
"So, Kaylee, you don't want to go to the Health Academy?"
"You don't want to be a Dermatologist?"
NO! just let me figure it out!

On another note, I'm really really bored. "/
And all us kids who havn't taken the Drug and Alcohol Test to get our permit yet, should get together and do that ;D

I had a really weird dream last night...

I think I'm going to go paint my toes :D

What Is Your Reality?

Saturday, March 14, 2009


Over-all, today was pretty good.
i went and rode Luke and that was fun :D
and when I was attempting to fix my moms laptop, i got caught up in looking at old photos from like a BILLION years ago.
We were country folk then. :P

It's really nice out tonight so I was thinking I could get a big blanket and go lay on the trampoline and watch the stars :)
But my mom probably won't let me :/

Over a breakfast of Boar.

I know I'm being hypocritical about this, but, it really annoys me when people just complain about everything, and then make up excuses to why things annoy them.


"I don't think you pay enough attention to your horses, so I think we should get rid of them and buy cows"

"Yes i do. We got rid of the cows we had before because you said they were a pain in the butt"

"i didn't say that"

"yes, you did."

"well, the horses are costing me money, and cows can take care of themselves."

"you have to feed cows too."

"not as much, and horses are stupid, they don't do anything for you. They just sit out in a pasture. They have no feelings"

"What? Yes they do. Cows are stupid, what are you talking about?"

and this just kept going on until he actually denied that he ever said that horses have no feelings....-.-

It really isn't his fault.

Random Comment:
i want to learn how to write with my left hand.

Friday, March 13, 2009

I can feel the earth beneath my feet.

It 's weird.
things are falling back in place.
but at the same time they're not.
but, i'm almost there

Even stranger, I talked to my mom all the way home.
it was...weird.
but nice.
I can't remember the last time that happened without us breaking out into some kind of argument.

The spa day in health was amazing.
I feel at ease, and..I havn't had a headache all day:)
I need to do things like that more often.

I've been pondering what i want to do with my life for some time now, and it just hit me, hey, i'm almost a sophomore. School is getting out soon. And I don't know what I'm doing.
Internal conflicts eat me alive.

Wish List:
- More time.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

I want to break every clock

HAY--> is for horses

Even though i stupidly stayed up till 2 in the morning, and fell asleep in biology, and had to finish writing my speech, i had a good day:)
To EVERYONE: you are all wonderful people and i love you all:)

ok, my computer is being obnoxiously slow"/

Current Loves:

- Pop Tart Pop Tarts
- wells xP
- turtles, because they live in holes
- GIANT oven mitts
- bouquets
- finding random money
- Vitamin water, because it turns your insides pretty colors :D
- awesome socks from wal-mart :D

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Here goes nothing.

I had a nice day:)

but something is on my mind and I would like to ask a favor of all of you.

Yes, two people have already done this, but i have always wondered what people really think of me.
I am not asking for compliments. I am asking for honest to God truths. please...

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

How I Disappear.

I'm at the library and I'm having a terrible mental block on what to write for Mr. Baumann's class. I was thinking I could write about the topic "How I Don't Believe I'm Free" but it would just turn into ranting and I really don't want to do that.
FCAT tomorrow -.-

If You could tell it to me straight, then that would be great.

Current Loves:
- The music in my head
- Air Conditioners

Monday, March 9, 2009

It's Alright to be Little Bitty.

Yes that IS a COUNTRY song :P

My parents allowed me back on the computer in exchange that I allow them to look over my blog. oh joy.

I hate the feeling of being helpless. I hate the fact that I'm physically unable to change anything around me. But really, that's how life goes. In order to live we have to trust in unseen things. Because ultimately, it's not our will that matters.

My baby horsie has an abscess on her foot:(

Why can't I just say what I need to say?

For some reason Anberlin puts me in a good mood:)


1. ...?

2. You're too proud to admit when you're wrong, so you end up doing stupid things.

3. Just STOP. please. I feel bad enough.

4. GET OUT OF MY LIFE. You give everyone around you GRIEF.

5. Whenever you gaze off, I want to ask you what you're thinking about.

6. Thanks for being there:)

7. LOL :D

Random Comment:
I want to put a camera on my cat to see where he goes during the day. He always disappears.

Current Loves:

- Pink Skies
- green eyes :P
- Books that make me dream
- Breaking out in song :D
- Bow Ties
- Laughing because we're hyped up on morning jewce :P

Thursday, March 5, 2009


I havn't felt well all day. I feel like i'm burning up, but at the same time i'm so cold... Ana probably got me sick.
All day I was on edge for no reason. Even now, my shoulders are tightening up, and I can't seem to relax. Every time I stand up, I find myself pacing, my thoughts forcing me to move. I couldn't seem to focus on anything in school today. My mind kept drifting off.
Last night my mom decided she wanted to look at my blog. I told her no, so she went and told my dad. Then she said she was going to look at the history and find it. So I deleted it. I got in trouble; she went and told my dad again. I explained that it's my personal space. Now I'm not allowed on until further notice (I just found oput)
I want to go take a walk.

I need someone to talk to, but I don't want to talk to anyone.

I need someone to hold me tight and never let me go.

Current Loves:

- Hugs
- Sleeeeep
- More Hugsss:)
- Balance
- Paint. Lots and lots of Paint:)
- Focus

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

My brain is spinning again.

Nome: any melody defined by inviolable rules.

Today was fun.
and we get to stay in a hotel :DDDDDDDDD
and and and :DDDDDDDDD

wow, i'm such a dork.

anyayy, It's my parents anniversary, so while they're off to Bone Fish Grill, it's my task to care for the munchkins. I think i'll make pizza. Unfortunately though, this event cut my time at art club short:[...tear. Ahwell, I was too hyper to paint anything decent anyway :P When are we not having art club? is it this next monday? I don't know, I just remember seeing something saying NO ART CLUB TODAY on the schedule when I walked in.

i was cleaning up the kitchen and i found THIS. It's so violent for an 8 year old xD

Current Loves:

- Milk Maids
- Ginormous Fan brushes
- Nameless Asian dudes with AWESOME hair.
- Ballet
- We Won :DDDD yayy^.^
- Sunlight
- Shopping
- Converse<3 i'm getting some soon<3. it's really sad i've never owned a pair.
- Roses made out of candy wrappers

Helpful Hint: just to make it clear, i was not directing my comment about people hitting me towards anyone at the villages. it was towards my brother.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Word Vomit. GROSS

The only thing that bothers me about blogging is that now I just say random comments about how my family bugs me. I don't like it, but I can't help it. I feel bad complaining about how my family is this or that, when I have it auctually have it pretty good. It's like I pulled a drain or something and i'm not going to shut-up until I have all my petty feelings out... I need a better focus.

I really need to sleep now.


Mae DRugz.

I find myself wanting to keep coming back to blog more and more. It's soo addicting andd I love it :)

I'm off to Envirothon in da morn', so wish mae luck with that :P

Is it weird that I hate being cold but I love winter? I love being warm when it's cold outside. Winter clothes are nice,

I think it's funny how people act differently when no one's around. When people arn't looking, they become themselves, they become real. I hate the feeling that everyone is wearing a mask. How can someone can be kind and hospitable, and just turn around and treat everyone else like dirt?

I don't like being hit. Even if it's a "love pat" or whatever. It just bothers me on a whole different level. It makes me feel low and somehow that makes me feel like i deserve it in someway. That sounds so twisted. Most of you people are probably saying "wow, overdramatic much" right now. I don't care. This is my blog to display whatever kind of crazed ideas my brain spits out. You don't have to read it:) But do me a favor. Don't hit me. No, I'm not targeting anyone, this is just a general i've always felt this way kind of thing.

i'm sleepy "-

Current Loves:

- Sunrises
- Tin Foil
- Dimes
- Lolbolly Pine trees xD
- stealing brother's lunchbox
- Cappucino Fudge Blitz
- Warm People, because you can just stand next to them and you're automatically 10 degrees warmer. :P
- Blog Comments

Monday, March 2, 2009

Living, is not Living alone

Today was pretty awesome:) Of course, I got lots of sleep this weekend, and that always makes everything better. The Biology test was uber easy :D So I'm happy^.^

I just get this feeling though, that I'm complete, but not really. And I heard this song my dad was playing. I must have heard it a thousand times before, but today it struck me.

All the empty words I've spoken
All the promises I've broken
All the lovers and the loves I've pushed away

Now they all come back to haunt me
And the silence seem to taunt me
Cuz they turn the tables round the other way

Livin' is easy with someone who cares
Someone to call you their own
Livin is lovely with somebody there
Livin' ain't livin' alone, Ain't livin' alone

Did I turn my back so coldly
On the ones who tried to hold me
Sayin' only that I needed to be free

Now I know some dreams were shattered
Because I never thought it mattered
No I never thought of anything but me


Have I taken all my chances
Will there be no more romances
Did I make my choice and never even know

That I'm much too young for endings
So I have to keep pretending
That tomorrow is the day my love will show


Livin' ain't livin', no it ain't livin' alone
Livin' ain't livin', no it ain't livin' alone
No no livin' ain't livin alone
Livin' ain't livin', no it ain't livin' alone
Livin' ain't livin', no it ain't livin' alone

Current Loves:

- Burgundy nail polish
- Yohoo
- really warm pants:)
- awesome lunch tables
- art club<33
- paintings with giant flowers and nymphs
- Mondays
- Oranges with no seeds
- glasses
- KangaWoos xP

Sunday, March 1, 2009

What you see, is what you get.

Why is it that everyone is always trying to be what they're not?
When they don't see what they want, they don't try to accept it, they just keep picking at themselves. Until finally, they can't help but pick at others and point out their flaws. This really annoys me. Its pointless to look for flaws in people, because then all you will see are the flaws. If you look for the beauty in everything, all you will see is beauty.

So, I picked up my cat and there was this huge bump right behind his front leg. So I moved the fur out of the way, and there was this MONSTER TICK D: So my mom got this metal needle thing to burn it off, right. But I think she did it wrong, because the tick EXPLODED. And this really thick, almost black, blood oozed EVERYWHERE. The head was still stuck in there though, so I had to pull it out :d and it was really really gross. Afterwards my kitty looked like he'd been shot. D: But he's ok now:)

jess thought i would share. :P

Current Loves:

-Over-sized jackets that go to your knees.
-Trees with nice views
-French Braids
-Fluffy Beds
-25% Siamese kitty-cats
-Panoramas :DD

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Hide them in a pantry with your cupcakes.

My thoughts are scrambling around my brain.
I can't make sense of anything.
I'm tired.
My Uncle is in jail.
Why am I being like this?

Random Comment:
I'm going to end up with man hands if I keep climbing all these trees. :&

Friday, February 27, 2009

OKayy, so today wasn't that great. I got yelled at all the way to school. Following that, my parents said I was banded from the Internet until I was 18 just because they thought I was on it too much. Then my flash drive kept deleting my project. and I have a ton of homework. FUN. Obvious something must have changed, because at this moment I am indeed, on the Internet. So I'll answer this in a very long and drawn out manner.

I'm alot like my dad in some ways. Including saying things I don't mean. So after he told me I would never go on the Internet under his house again, I just left. I couldn't stand being in the same house with my mom talking about how much I care for my friends more than her. Literally, I was just sitting on the couch, and she starts talking about what a terrible child I've become, and how I'm not her little baby girl anymore. So I walked out the door, fed my horses, and sat in a tree for about two hours. When I finally climbed down and I stood there watching Margerita, doing everything I could to just avoid going back in the house again. Then my dad walks up, and tells me that he's going to let me use the Internet for an hour a day.....

Up in that tree, I really felt like I wanted to do something stupid. Anything stupid. I wanted to take a chance. Tempt fate. Everything was crashing down. But in reality nothing was. I felt like I was being put in a cage. I couldn't stand it. But, I don't do stupid things. I have too much self-respect.... It scares me I actually considered...I really don't know what I was considering....Nothing I guess. I'm just sick of being stuck in this rut I've put myself in.

Random Comment:
I love horsie kisses<333:D


Thursday, February 26, 2009

Somewhere along

After reading a certain person's blog, I feel like a monster. Have I really changed that much?..... Where I only thought of how much I hated when my mom yelled or got stressed out, I didn't feel any compassion for her. She has so much to worry about. It bothers me how I could have been so selfish, and stupid. She does do alot, and she's always busy, and that's not her fault. I shouldn't be arguing back and adding to the stress. It's just wrong. I should be helping. Not making a burden out of myself.

I'm going to make a list of things.
Things that I have never done.
Things that I want to do.
And some things I never want to do.
...I like making lists as you can see :P
They help me sort things out.

Sorry this stuff isn't that interesting. But I'm too tired to write about anything else "/

I Have Never:

- ordered something from starbucks.
- told someone off.
- "talked back" to a teacher.
- had a tattoo.
- been on one of the big Ferris wheels.
- had a real job.
- made something truly beautiful.
- ran a marathon.
- galloped a horse ( my horse is too old :( )
- made breakfast for a stranger.
- bungee jumped
- sky dived
- seen snow
- snow skied
- water skied
- been out of the country
- kept a garden alive
- eaten one of those little pints of ice cream while watching a chick-flick xD
- slept under the stars
- told my parents how much they mean to me
- Stayed up all night and then watched the sunrise
- been completely alone for more than 12 hours.
- decided to just skip wearing make-up to school.
- skipped school
- driven a car
- been to Hawaii
- fasted
- worn my glasses to school without it being against my will.
- left a present on someones door step
- been to New York
- learned a second language
- seen a meteor shower
- had someone close to me die
- accepted a random stranger as a friend in myspace.
- been to a football game
- made a tree house
- caught a really big fish

Things On My Mind:
and no, I won't tell you who you are
even though it's kind of obvious :P

1. I'm really sorry.

2. You are one of my Best friends, and you mean alot to me and I can always share everything with you:), but sometimes i feel like we're always competing.

3. You are also one of my Best friends. You always know what to say and I think you are the only one who actually understands me:) Thank You for that:)

4. You are an extremely inspirational person:)

5. I don't know what you want from me. Actually, that's a lie, but I'm not really sure.

6. It's nice to be friends again:)

7. I don't think you like me very much, But why should you?

8. I feel like we are drifting, and it makes me feel alone.

I'm exhausted. i can't breath
I'm loosing track of my dreams. i lost them long ago
I'm an extremely emotional person. and they're crushing me
Today I almost cried. it's crazy how soft words get to me
But I'm going to keep going. for me

Because I can:)

Random Comment:
I miss my ballet class:(

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

I Took A Walk

I was about to tell you about what a terrible day I had. I had already written part of it and was just about to get into a long rant about my uncle. But then I stopped to go feed my horses, and everything was perfect. It was cool and there was a slight breeze that held the fresh scent of orange groves. The sun was setting with splashes of pinks and and yellows, and all that could be heard was the sound of swaying trees and my rubber boots. So I took a walk...and everything was just so peaceful. I wish life could be like that:)

Then I made a pie:) It's pumpkin ;P

Random Comment: I want to own a cafe. Also, I have another thing, I actually decided this a while ago, but I'm writing it down so I can't go back on it: I'm not going to go out with anyone unless they're my best friend.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Images Scar my Mind.

I am not afraid to die; But I am afraid of death. I am afraid to loose those I love. I go through my day with hopes and dreams that are a constant shelter. But It seems as though, in only a moment, they can shatter. Honestly, I don't know what I could do without you. I don't know what any of us would do without you. Every time you come home from the doctors, more and more of you is gone. piece by piece. I can't help but see everything in your eyes... You've accepted it. You don't worry for your own life, you worry only for us. You think that if you weren't here anymore, you would be letting us down, but you wouldn't, you couldn't possibly. Through the years you have always been there, you have always pulled us through. I could not have asked for a better father... You know me so well, it seems, But you don't know that every day I say a prayer for you. Every day I ask God to let me keep you a little longer, then maybe, I'll be able to let go. I know now I can't, and I won't.

a quote:
"Those with inner strength, don't worry about what others think; because they thrive on themselves."

Random Comment: My hands were really toasty today, and my hands are NEVER toasty :O! Usually they're in danger of getting frostbite. :/

Monday, February 23, 2009

"Kaylee is an Albino Cream Puff :D"

I don't have time for a full post but here's a picture of my totally amazing kitty cat :DD he follows my brother around when he hunts :P

His name is Shay ")

Anywayyy, ya, title courtesy of Mona :P

I forgot what I was going to write about so i'm just going to list things...

- Grace, your blog isn't letting me comment on it DD;

- I want to live in Europe for awhile, then maybe in Canada. I definetely want to travel.

- I love pictures because i love to remember moments:)

- I wish you would stop avoiding me.

- I'm confused at the moment of what I want to do. Dream job, no pay. vs. Acceptable job, large amount? I want to live but I don't want to throw my life away. I need a compromise.

- You are most definetely my favorite brother. i love youu<333

- You make me feel like a pig. Even though I'm not.

- I love my room, it's so peaceful:)

- I keep going between wanting to live in the country and living in the city...

- I wish you didn't yell at me.

- I'm not a patient person.

- I love to walk around outside barefoot:)

- Burgers are grosss ;P

- I like the silence of nature.

- Eyes are amazinggg

- Horse's noses are the coolest thing EVER :D

- i know how to make soap :P

- why are you mean to me? you don't even know me.

- You people are my best friends eva ;D

- You're so nice, i really want to get to know you better:)

- You confuzzle mee.

- I watch cooking shows sometimes :P

- i really need to do something about those headaches...

- I never thought we would be friends, but here we are. and i'm so glad:)

- nail polish annoys me, mostly because my nails are super tiney :P

- I want to be a better friend to people.

- People who are annoyed by happy people can just go bury themselves, because I can't help it :P

- You are the only person who gets under my skin.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

About that.

I would love some very brutal comments on this. "/


I've realized something today.

Sometimes I ask somewhat stupid questions, not because i don't know the answer, but because I want to ask something else.

My Random Comment
: I want to start wearing perfume:)

Saturday, February 21, 2009


I'm probably just crazy but when people say they're "just joking" about something they said, I don't believe them. Because I think somewhere, way down deep, they feel something that would incline them to say that. People are full of suppressed emotions and thoughts. So when something slips out, maybe something hurtful, they might want to cover it up, and what better than to say "just joking".

I don't want to be like my mom, so why am I always acting like it's a competition between us? She likes to rub past accomplishments in my face, and talk about how many doctors wanted to date her. But If I do something great and I tell her about it she acts unimpressed. She acts like no matter what I do I will never measure up to her. All I want is for her to recognize something I do well. I want to prove to her that I am worthy of her praise, But she's too busy dwelling in the past. She doesn't even pay any attention to us anymore, all she thinks about is money and the next ufirst meeting. I want her to open her eyes and be a little perceptive about things. She doesn't know anything about me, or my little brothers. She just sleeps and yells and if she knew I was writing this would disown me. But I have to let it out someway or else I snap at her and get in trouble for "back talk". She's so oblivious to everything, and she acts like I know nothing about the world. I can't talk to her. I can be around her without getting agitated. I want so badly to talk to her about things that happen in my life, but she doesn't care. She is just interested in the next gossip story to talk to her mom about. For hours at a time she'll be back in her room, telling my grandma what terrible children we are, and how ungrateful we are for everything she does for us. It makes me sick. She wants to know the dirt on everyone, but she won't take the time to find out about her own kids.

Oh and my brother keeps walking up behind me and trying to see what I'm writing. -.-
I can't wait to move out.

I love my baby horsie:) She's very photogenic ;P