Unlike livers, hearts don't grow back. ;P

I was lying in bed and all of the sudden, I remembered Rachel's joke about Zwick.
I laughed.
and then I cried


I think we're all born with a big heart.
Because when we're little we don't have to think about loving.
We don't worry about getting hurt.
We just do. Without any question.
But as we grow somehow are hearts get smaller.
They get broken-and eventually pieces are missing.
Before we know it, we're left guarding the only parts we have left.
And it's a mistake because if we don't let people in to try and fill those gaps,
We're left with them
And our hearts will heal twisted in an attempt to get rid of the empty spaces.
After that, it's hard to straighten them out agian.


OiOiOi

I didn't really get anything done today.
-quite saddening.

Jesus Christ, I hope everything works out.

Snow flurries arn't what's making me cold.

Chester's dying.
and I can't do anything about it.

You should have taken him to the vet.
I told you I told you I told you.
BUT NO!
"He's not our dog"
Even though you told me I could keep him.
You don't care, that's why.
You gasp and cry about people on TV, but you don't care about anything but yourself and your perfect little picture of how your life should be.
"Put him out of his misery", you say.
So what, Mom? What are you gonna do??
I know you won't be footing any bill for a euthanization.
Shoot him?
Or should we stuff him in a garbage bag and drown him in the river?
Your choice.

A guy by the name of Cai Guo-Qiang made this with gunpowder.

Pretty sweet right?

Natalie Alper also has some awesome work :D

LOVELOVELOVE: August #2

Check it out ^^

Breath a little deeper, walk a little slower.

I want Fall Break.
I want it so bad.
I want to watch the sunrise from my porch, not the front seat of my mom's Prius.
I want to have time to watch The Wizard of Oz.
I want to organize my room. It's driving me insane. O.o
I want to make little raindeer shaped cookies with my family.
I want to paint.
I want to sleep.
I want it to be cold ALL day long-not just the morning.
I want time.
Time to play the piano
and my dad's guitar.
Time to do everything, because I feel like I'm missing out on so much.

I'm tired of being rushed.


On an awesome note//
Our Icelandic friends are coming to see us for Thanksgiving :D yay.

I love you people<3

Pomegranate lollipop? Do I dare?

I asked God who I was supposed to be.

BIGFLUFFYBLANKETYAY<33

I'm so tired.

My dad has been complaining about his job a lot lately.
His boss is pretty much a nasty jerk, and he really wants to do something else.
I know him, and he wouldn't complain about anything unless it was something that was really driving him crazy. He isn't getting a lot of sleep and he just hasn't been himself at all. Hes getting agitated easily AND THAT NEVER HAPPENS. SERIOUSLY. Now, all of the sudden he wants to take me out of Art Club and Vocal Arts because he doesn't like getting home late. And I would seriously rather just home school if he did. Getting up at 5 every day and sitting though class isn't worth it to me.
I could do so much more without all that.
I could still see my friends and I would have time to learn to play piano and the guitar, hang out at church, ride my horses, paint, get a job = mini cooper!..maybe I could even get some sleep every once in a while. ;P

~I'm trying to make the best of it
<3

I want to fold the world in my arms tonight.

Evening.
It's my favorite time.
Shadows stretch out along the grass
The sun burns brighter as it kisses the sky goodbye
Long wispy fingers touching
in it's last embrace until tomorrow.

It's a pretty sight c;


I don't know why it came to mind now, but I've always wanted a sister.
The type that brushes your hair and gives you hugs;
that you can stay up all night and talk about everything to.
It would be nice.
I like to image that's what Kayla would have been like,
but she died.
A miscarriage, actually.
They aren't even sure if she was a girl,
but my parents always thought so.
The thing is though, I wouldn't be here if she had lived.
But it reminds me that I'm here for a reason.
-Because she didn't die for nothing.
That I am sure of.

It helps to know I'll meet her one day<3

It doesn't have a name yet...

But what do you think?
It's for English. c;

Remember that girl, so long ago?
With petal tears, and a radiant glow?
So sweet, behind in her years.
Icey veils covered her face, her eyes,
and even her ears.
Like spider webs, they did appear.
Muffled her voice.
Making her oh, so very hard to hear.
But you saw her light, her soul, her might.
You saw her will to take flight.
And with a gentle hand, you led her to stand
On her own two feet.
Leading.
As a butterfly.

I'd like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly.

I hate it when people spit on the sidewalk,
the sight fills me with disgust. D:

I feel kind of nauseous right now. I don't know why, I seem to get sick on a lot on Sundays.
It might of been the Juicy Juice though.
The sweetness makes me gag, but I was seriously craving some fruit. O.o

I don't like this year much. It scares and disappoints me all at once.
And I am afraid of it all.
But at the same time I feel like I can handle it.
Because secretly, it's all beginning to make sense.
The highs and the lows.

My parents don't seen to get the fact that I know what I'm doing. It's like they keep trying to convince me that I'm going to mess up my life and it will be ruined for ever and ever and ever and ever *echo*
But I know.
I'm not going to drink
I'm not going to do drugs
I'm not going to do anything of the sort. Ever.
No cussing either, which they seem to think I will do inevitably because they think half of the people I hang out do. -Thanks to their new interest in my cell phone's inbox.

It's all soo peachy. _P_

I was actually been thinking about going back to home school. I don't know why, but the thought occurred to me last week and hasn't left. I wish we could move or something -closer to school, I mean. Everything would be so much easier.
My dad keeps talking about how he doesn't like his job and I can see how much it takes it's toll on him. He almost fell asleep while driving the other day.
Both of my parents keep talking about how the renters haven't paid and how much they worry for our family. IF this and IF that. It scares me very much actually, but I never tell them. I have to get rid of my horses because we could loose our Ag. exemption on the land that they graze on. Because it would be an extra $10,000 in taxes if we did.

And I know I keep saying this,
but I really want to go back when I was little,
and everything stayed together so perfectly.
Effortlessly.
All the edges matched up quite nicely then. Quite nicely indeed.

This post is very blocky and it's annoying me -.-

In more cheerful news// I'm joining color guard.
Most of you know this, but I just feel like saying it again :D
I used to have a little baton and taught myself to twirl pretty well.
It broke though xP
So, this should be fun.

I'm trying to convince Tanner to join chorus next year. It's wrong for me to, but I really hate it that he doesn't enjoy music like my dad and I do. He said he wanted to join drama club, but doesn't want to sing and/or do any dancing. :/

He does, however, have an interest in football..

Go Greek!

My brother threw a crazy temper tantrum today O.o
I don't even know how it started, but he punched me in the stomach really hard for a 9 year old. D"

I'M ALLOWED TO GO TO DRAMA CLUB
as long as Rachel can take me to Bridgeport afterwards. ;D
Oh, and I met my dad's boss over there the other day and she wants me to sing O.o *stage-fright* e-gad!
She also wanted musicians and small groups to come and sing or play, if anyone from school is interested..I don't think there is any $$ involved, but she stressed that it would be "Great credentials for college". xP

For our English poem I wrote about a candy shop x) I was thinking I could make a giant tree/candy thing with bubble gum all over it. I'm not really sure how everything is going to work together yet. I really don't want to work on it in class though. It seems like a Saturday morning type of thing that I should be doing while wearing pajamas and eating Cap n' Crunch. xP

School was fun.
It was probably because I got 7 hours of sleep<333
I could do with more though.
Any less and I'm dead _P_

Off to finish homework
~'night peoples ;3

Debates Tomorrow! ;D

The sky is so deep.

Déjà vu.
That's what this is.
This feeling surrounding,
seeping within.

Prying between my ribs,
fogging my head.
this little feeling
In the back of my head

It winds it's way,
snugging up close.
Finding it's way
to let something loose.

I need to go to bed, but I'm procrastinating..like usual.

I'm really bad at making lunch for myself. Seriously, like last Wednesday, I ATE A CAN OF PEAS. D:
Then I spilt half of it on myself because I'm clumsy. niice.

And guess what?
painting shoes does not work. AT ALL.
I painted an old pair of flats silver because my mom told me they looked crummy and I couldn't wear them any more, but they looked all texture-y and gross, so I painted them this crazy poppy red and I disliked them even more, so I stamped them with purple thumb-prints and now they look like just grrrroosssss.

RUUUNNN OON SENNNTENCES. Blah.

owowow. :( I wish my little brothers knew how to walk on backs..I been slouching so much.. Or maybe it was the 10,000 pounds of books we had to carry. I really can't tell.
If I was still taking dance I would probably have better posture. I can't even do a side split any more. Which is just sad because that took me forever to get that.

ok, I'm gonna stop rambling now. :L

goodnight.
i love you guys<3

What do the People Say?

Backpack side 1

The product of today.

What do ya think?

Giant Gumballs, Free O.J., Assorted Meats; O MY!

- I have the urge to dance, and it has nothing to do with my consumption of Dark Chocolate.

- Were home. :D (not the reason)
and Tyler killed my cherry tomato plants >:[
grrr.

-I have officially had a learners permit for 4 days *Kudos*
I haven't killed anyone yet, so that's pretty good...
I ran off the rode a little bit; but it was only on our driveway. =P

- I'm a little confused..? I need to talk to you.

- Tanner caught a Catfish!
We named it Julius c:

- Scooping fish out of a lake with a net is A LOT easier than catching them with a hook ;P

- I HATE 13 hour car rides, tiny showers, and gas-station bathrooms *.*

- Beware: Flaming Marshmallows "d

- Line dancing is fun xD

- Coutry people are nice ^.^
I like it when they call people sugar. C=


~That's all for now folks.

A Votre Santé ~ To your health

I'm tired of saying I want.
I sound like a bratty 2 year old.


We have words written on our soul that tell us who we are.
We can stray from what that is, but the real us is always there.
It's the little voice in the back of your head.
Your secret hopes.
Your wild dreams.
The part of you that's strong when everything else has failed.
Sometimes it's hard to find under everything else,
but it's there.

We're leaving for North Carolina tomorrow to visit our cousins.
It's 52 degrees in the morning up there ^.^

Goodnight
<3

Mango Ice Cream Makes Me Sick

I want a mural for my room... I was thinking maybe I could paint one myself. That is, if my parents will let me ;P

I like the panda, but every time I see the little dudes I think of The Jonas Brothers D.D

Patrick's Disney influence must be getting to me. ;P

I wish I could have gone to Canada with him.

I've never even seen snow =(

But of course Mom and Dad let him go traipsing off around the world

I'm going with you next year!!

HEY MONA and GRACE and anyone else who likes thrift stores!

We should do something this weekend ;D

PS: Piano is FUN.

I like Now

I haven't been on in awhile...
Actually, I haven't even talked to anyone in awhile... Except for today, which was fantastic C:
But, I guess It just bothers me. Every time I come on here and read everything going on, it makes me sad, or tense, or stressed and that's not something I enjoy. I'm not good with problems or issues. If I can't fix them, I tend to push them away or avoid them completely... It's something I need to work on. Even loud voices, I shrink up. If my mom and dad are "discussing" something, I leave the room.
Recently though, It's just been nice. I have some breathing room and I don't want it to go away. I don't want summer to end.
When it's cloudy, I can spend the day outside. Our pastures are laced with soft clover and the garden is just starting to break through the surface. It's really lovely.

I'm full of Japanese food. ;P
Happy Birthday Ana! ~ you're cake was yummy ^.^

~Goodnight<3

PS: Thank you to those who tell me I need to stop being such a hermit and talk to them
-You make me feel special C:
i love you people<33
Don't ever forget that!

I'm making a backpack.
I'm excited :D
My mom took me to Joans today and I picked out some "Duck" canvas material (idk what that is either). AND I found a really cool pattern for a backpack. yay!
I was thinking about scanning my art folder on transfer paper and ironing that on it-even though most of the doodles are Mona's " P

VBS ended :( It was so much fun. We made "Alligator Nests" out of La Choy Noodles. Which were actually kind of gross xP. Making Pretzel Butterflies was cool though.

Brent is sick :(
he kept throwing-up today.

I feel like I'm being a bad friend. I haven't really been keeping in touch...
We need to go do something together c:

Oh and hi Patrick ;P

~enjoy

PS: I hate the heat.
So much.
I'm going to move to Canada
or some remote part of France
and buy a Siberian Husky.

I am a Ninja

Today was... thrilling. Like the emotions of a lifetime in one day. It was completely exhausting but still somehow magnificent.

I BOUGHT A NETBOOK *FREAK OUT* A Dell Mini 10 =D it's so cute!

No More Parental Block. YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I haven't been able to read most every one's blog for the past couple weeks. -.-

I spent at least 5 bucks trying to get a Squirtle out of one of those money eating contraptions with a giant claw. WHAT THE HECK DO YOU CALL THOSE THINGS? I never knew.

Mona and I found a little man in a purse at Goodwill. A little while later, at the other side of the store, we happened to find a CD with a figurine attached and at the back of the head there were footprints with a bar code, and the little man from the purse fit into the spot! It was fantastic.

I also persuaded my dad into letting me keep the eye cam on my netbook. He's was totally about to caulk it up.

I am sleepy, so goodnight!
<3

PS: VERY late response but I named my guy-fish Koko C:

and apparently it's unMANLY to have a mirror in your room. xD is this true?

The very unimportant world at Large

I was going to wait until tomorrow to post so I could ACTUALLY have pictures of my Bettas to show you, because I am having a rather difficult time naming my DUDE-fish.
The lady-fish's name is Dannina ") (I'm still trying to decide weather to spell it with one n or 2...) I was thinking something Japaneeese?.. or, something of that orient...?..
any suggestions?
It's much too dark to attempt photography at the moment, so I will get back to you .

But He's white & red and looks very much the girly-man
He also lives in a trifle dish.

Liiike this one.


Minus the frilly dessert.


Today I volunteered at teen court, and this guy there reminded me so much of you.
He even looked like you.
It made me miss you a lot.
But, you will never read this to know.

I feel like sleeping,
so, goodnight<3

My Dad Would Be Intimidating If He Had Hair.

this is my 100th post... ^.^ Woohoo!

- My mom told me my eyeliner looked Gothic.
Then she told me that I should bring an extra pair of clothes to the Backloriet concert because if we went somewhere and I was wearing my concert gown people would think I was Gothic.

-.-

- Tomorrow is the last day of school -and I'm sad. Because I know that my parents won't take me to go see my friends that often because "they don't feel like it". *BIG sigh*:( I'll end up plastered to the TV watching re-runs of Project Runway and organizing my closets/drawers ect. I told my parents I want to get a job at the cute little Melon Blossom Cafe' 10 minutes from our house. But NO. I can't bacause I'm supposed to be focusing on school EVEN THOUGH IT'S SUMMER!
Whattheflip.

- I can't take art next year because of SPANISH D:

- My parents have bought a million pounds of junk food recently and I really hate it. Don't get me wrong, I will eat junkey food if I'm out somewhere, but when so much of it Acutally in our house, it bothers me. Mostly because we used to make everything homemade and now somehow we never have the time. Instead we have microwave pretzels and tv dinners. So I've been making my own food and my parents keep complaining that I never eat with them anymore.

- We have a new desk in our computer room and it's pretty :)

- I need to go look over my vocab words.

- I hate yelling so much.
I'm glad my dad never yells.
I don't think I could stand that.

- There's a star with a grin on this ebay painting on the wall next to me and it is seriously giving me the creeps.

wow prepositional phrases.

- Thank you for making my day better.
You always do. (:
I'm going to miss art a lot.

- Everyone should come and hang out in the band room and listen to Vocal Arts,
because afterwards we're going to Olive Garden and it's gonna be fun.

We need to sing while were waiting like we did last time xD

Hopefully, we will have enough money and not have to call my mom ;P