Thursday, May 28, 2009

My Dad Would Be Intimidating If He Had Hair.

this is my 100th post... ^.^ Woohoo!

- My mom told me my eyeliner looked Gothic.
Then she told me that I should bring an extra pair of clothes to the Backloriet concert because if we went somewhere and I was wearing my concert gown people would think I was Gothic.


- Tomorrow is the last day of school -and I'm sad. Because I know that my parents won't take me to go see my friends that often because "they don't feel like it". *BIG sigh*:( I'll end up plastered to the TV watching re-runs of Project Runway and organizing my closets/drawers ect. I told my parents I want to get a job at the cute little Melon Blossom Cafe' 10 minutes from our house. But NO. I can't bacause I'm supposed to be focusing on school EVEN THOUGH IT'S SUMMER!

- I can't take art next year because of SPANISH D:

- My parents have bought a million pounds of junk food recently and I really hate it. Don't get me wrong, I will eat junkey food if I'm out somewhere, but when so much of it Acutally in our house, it bothers me. Mostly because we used to make everything homemade and now somehow we never have the time. Instead we have microwave pretzels and tv dinners. So I've been making my own food and my parents keep complaining that I never eat with them anymore.

- We have a new desk in our computer room and it's pretty :)

- I need to go look over my vocab words.

- I hate yelling so much.
I'm glad my dad never yells.
I don't think I could stand that.

- There's a star with a grin on this ebay painting on the wall next to me and it is seriously giving me the creeps.

wow prepositional phrases.

- Thank you for making my day better.
You always do. (:
I'm going to miss art a lot.

- Everyone should come and hang out in the band room and listen to Vocal Arts,
because afterwards we're going to Olive Garden and it's gonna be fun.

We need to sing while were waiting like we did last time xD

Hopefully, we will have enough money and not have to call my mom ;P

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Strawberry Wine

I missed talking to you.
I wish we had kept in touch when I left FA.

Friday, May 22, 2009

It's Where the Wild Things Are.

NO MORE EXAMS = *happyface*
I want to sleep on the trampoline tonight.
it would be pretty sucky if it rained though. >,<

Thursday, May 21, 2009

My Soul Weeps

Have I ever told you guys how much I want to make everything ok?
I want to give you a cookie as big as your head and tell you everything is going to be all right.
I want to make you chicken soup when you're sick.
I want to see you smile and be happy.
Because that's what I'm meant to do. I can feel it in my bones.
If I can make you smile, then I know, in some small way, I have made the world better.
That's my little part.

Your smiles scare me.
I can almost see the staples pinning them there.
Your eyes are pained.
I'm afraid you're beginning to fall.
Please don't.
i love you <3
talk to me


Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Hey Jude

I love when your sitting in the car
and a song with a great bass comes on.
Your leg is leaning against the door
and the beat runs up to your knee
The rain slows in time, making little splats on the windshield.
The wipers whisking by just in time for the new drops to fall.
and-for a moment, everything is in sync.

I live for those moments.

Art was fun <3
the exam was really stupid though because there was a bunch of Artist/Painting matching going on and we never learned any of it. :(
-but it's not Mrs. Smrekar's fault because they made the test before she came and wouldn't let her see it. Which is really really annoying.

Health is boring me.
Mrs. Mosby said she can't answer my questions. D.D

My only accomplishment since coming home has been to carve a nice little tunnel in our Dulce De Leche ice cream. yumyum ^.^

My horses look really wet and miserable out in the rain :(
I want to sneak them into our garage, but I would never get away with that.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

It's the Grammys

I love you all so much and I hope you never ever forget that.

Thank You

- For seeing through my deflections and making me be myself.

- For always being there

- For never changing yourself for anyone

- For kicking my butt sometimes, because no one else will.

- For always knowing when I'm sad

- For always cheering people up, even when your the one who needs to be cheered.

- For sticking around

- For being someone I look up to.

- For always sneaking up behind me and giving me hugs. They always make me feel special :)

- For being my stable ground.

- For always believing in me.

- For being you. I miss you so much-and I'll probably never seen you again.

I don't know whats going on in my head. My nights are plagued by unpleasant dreams that slip from my mind, but leave me clinging to my pillow searching my windows for a glimpse of imaginary shadows. My bookcases are now the home of 12" monsters waiting to pounce on me in my sleep. I have started retreating to the couch where it's goose feather pillows lull me to bed. Then I wake to find my parents scowling over me telling me I should sleep in my own room.
I haven't had nightmares like this since I was little.
Maybe God is telling me something...

Sunday, May 17, 2009


How did I hurt you?

I don't know where Im going with this...

Why do words sting us so much?
They cut to our hearts and make us bleed where no band-aid can cover.
But the words that hurt the most are those that are true-because we know it, and kept it hidden and were hoping by some chance no one else would happen to glance that part were so very ashamed of.

People are always saying to be yourself, but what if that person is truly a bad person. Should they not they try to conceal that? Being the type of person that I am, I've always believed that deep down there is some kind of good in everyone. But what about those psychos that go on murdering sprees? Is there any good? can someone be so consumed with, i don't know, Hate?, that they aren't even people anymore? To enjoy seeing terror in someone's eyes, is just... all for the sake of power.

I'm not trying to compare mean people to Mass-murderers, I just get off topic A LOT.

Why do I want to understand this?

I don't know why I'm thinking about this.
too many crime shows maybe.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Another Day Closer to You

Right now I'm sitting here enveloped in the smell of eucalyptus.
My brother really knows how to buy a girl a present.
And I'm thinking about this little bird i saw in Home Depot.
It was flapping around, trying desperately to fly through a window. PANG!..PANG!..PANG! again and again and again. I couldn't stand it. Then I saw that there was another little bird outside perched on a pole chirping to it and the bird the inside was chirping back. The bird on the inside kept panging it's little head against the window chirping even more desperately now, and then it just gave up.
The other bird flew away,
and I felt sick.
Are we all just little birds panging our heads on glass windows
trying to have what others have?

I want to be happy with what I have now.
because things are always going to be tough.
Graduation day is no quick cure.
If not one thing, then another.

I wish I was a kid again.
When I was home schooled
and everything was full of laughter and fun.
We had acorn fights
and camp fires
My dad would get out his guitar and sing to us.
He's a Tenor^.^
Patrick was home
and Tanner was my best friend.
We would catch baby calves and pet their silky faces.
Race our bikes and watch Dragon Tales.
Everything was so simple.

My dad always sang this song:

(Just Remember I Love You) by FIREFALL

When it all goes crazy and the thrill is gone
The days get rainy and the nights get long
When you get that feelin you were born to lose
Starin' at the ceiling, thinkin of your blues

When there's so much trouble that you want to cry
The world has crumbled and you don't know why
When your hopes are fading and they can't be found
Dreams have left you waiting friends have let you down

Just remember I love you
And it'll be all right
Just remember I love you
More than I can say
Maybe then your blues will fade away

When you need a lover and you're down so low
You start to wonder but you never know
When it seems like sorrow is your only friend
Knowing that tomorrow you'll feel this way again

When the blues come cryin' at the break of dawn
The rain keeps fallin' but the rainbow's gone
When you feel like cryin' but the tears won't come
When your dreams are dyin' when you're on the run

Just remember I love you
And it'll be all right
Just remember I love you
More than I can say Just remember I love you
And it'll be all right
It'll be all right
It'll be all right
It'll be all right


Wednesday, May 6, 2009

The Day is Well.

Today was different
and fun.
It made me smile:)

Musical soundings:

Pa pa pa pa pa pa Oh No can I have the car toniGHT
baby baby...

Grease Highlights will forever be ingrained in my head after this. -.-

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

I speak Spench

I'm going to write things in a list-y manner

I'm not sure what to say anymore.
Things are better.
I talked to my dad all the way home about everything
and he actually understood
he always does
except the girlie things
he rebels against all things girlie
but my mom will vouch for anything girlie.
When I was little I never realized how completely opposite they are...
I mean REALLY.

not fancy__________________________ _fancy
boat crazy ________________________does not like boats
will strike up conversation with- ___________will not
anyone anywhere
thrill seeker _______________________thrill evader
in the moment______________________planner
likes to spend ______________________likes to save

but, we were talking about a field in psychology
and he told me that i shouldn't pursue a career in it
because when he worked on a psych floor everyone was weird and creepy.
It seems that his bubble of understanding goes only so far.

I really want to to scream at some people
but I won't let myself
all for the sake of PEACE.
I could rip myself in two over this
but it wouldn't really get me anywhere.

- i have made so many drafts that i never posted
reason: I would go crazy if someone got in my head.

but maybe that's what I need.

I wish i had more time to devote to this
but i know if i left it as a draft it would never make it to my blog.

Friday, May 1, 2009


are so cute! ^.^
Sorry I haven't been posting in awhile. I've been using my journal. It's just a better place to think. My mind can do whatever and I don't have to worry about people questioning my sanity.
Which is well intact. ;P

The mind is a dangerous place. If your not accustomed to the altitude, you might get a little light headed.
But it is kind of weird that there is this whole little world in my head that no one knows anything about. Or maybe that's normal, and I'm just now finding that out...
IDK anymore.
I'm drugged up on Lack-o-Sleep, so it might be best to ignore what I'm saying.